Dear Dáithí: Should I tell my son they are wrong to pay my grandchild to do household chores? 

Have you ever heard of the likes of €3 to take the kitchen bin out or €5 to empty the dishwasher or €8 just to hoover the stairs and landing?

Dear Dáithí,

My grandson was always so sweet and helpful, he actually asked for a little dustpan and brush for one Christmas a few years back, and I have such a gorgeous photo of him beaming from his dotey little face as he sweeps the floor.

It reminds me of my own son at that age who was also a great little guy for helping out. But since my grandson’s gone to secondary school, it feels like he won’t lift a finger without being paid for it.

I’m worried his parents are encouraging it. His mother has actually put up a chart on the fridge with specific prices for basic household tasks children should be doing without even being asked.

Have you ever heard of the likes of €3 to take the kitchen bin out or €5 to empty the dishwasher or €8 just to hoover the stairs and landing?

Sure, I would be a millionaire at this stage if this carry-on had been in place when I was growing up.

Should I try to tell them that this isn’t the way to build responsible adults?

You sure do paint a beautiful and cute image for your grandson, and the fact that it brings back thoughts of your own son at that age it so nice.

The thing about having such great memories like that is you can compare them to what is happening now, and both seem to be miles apart, but that’s natural in one way.

He, like your son, was always going to change, but the background to all of this is where you are coming from and maybe where some of the problem is.

You, like myself, come from a time where everyone in the house had a job and the pay you got was your supper and bed for the night, and we were happy with that, actually, we didn’t have a choice, that was the world we lived in, and you know what, I miss that world!

I often wonder what the older generations would make of all of this, but I suppose the older generations again, would think differently too of what their children were at, the wheel of life.

I don’t agree with giving money for chores. I’m of the ‘you don’t pay rent here or you’re doing something in return’ brigade, and I know many like me.

I seriously think that we are the last generation that ‘did chores’ or ‘worked’ around the house or farm and didn’t get paid money, now we got £5 for Christmas, but not on a weekly basis and it’s one of these things that when you start doing it, it’s almost impossible to stop it, but €8 to hoover the stairs, tell her I’ll be over in the morning.

I’m just afraid if this keeps going on in houses all around Ireland, we’ll see claims in the Labour Court before long!

There is another element here that is very different to our time and I think it’s important, we all or most of us had real paying jobs from a young age, I was 13 or 14 when I started and this gave me a great sense of independence and also an idea about how to deal with money and more importantly again the value of money.

When the money is hard-earned, you don’t seem to spend it as foolishly as you might if you got a handy fiver.

These days for some reason, might be the law, young folk don’t work from an early age; therefore by giving them a few quid for a few chores might teach them something about the value of money.

I would prefer if they went out and earned it outside the house though, because it’s better for them, and this really is the only real good I can see from all of this.

Now I don’t think as you suggest in your letter, that the parents are encouraging this; this might have happened over time, and now, as I mentioned, they are finding it hard to row back on.

The chart thing might have a benefit in the sense that everyone knows what the prices are for what’s to be done. Yes, I know, that sounds bizarre to us, but at least it might stop another agreement.

It’s very important that there is a payment system in the house that someone checks that the work has been done and they’re not getting away with anything.

I hear you when you say that this is not teaching them about responsibility or hard work, for that matter, and you ask at the end if you should do something about this all and tell the parents, my answer here is a definite and hard NO! Stay clear of the whole situation; this is not your problem.

You did a good job raising your own son; now leave the grandson to his parents. They wouldn’t like being told that they are doing something wrong, and it could change your relationship with them, and we don’t want that.

Now, a lot of people would say that they aren’t doing a whole lot wrong, and in the grand scheme of things, they are right.

You just have a different set of values in life, and that is where this conflict is coming from. If you were to put yourself into your grandson’s position, you might do the same thing, or maybe not.

Remember too that rules are different in different homes and if you wanted to knock a tune out of his young man go and find a few jobs to be done around your house and get his to help and pay him in tea and cake and explain to him that this was the way in your day.

I bet it will be the finest cup of tae he ever drank, sometimes young people learn more from doing than anything else.