Ask Audrey: I can’t be doing the business with someone who reminds me of my Mam

You can ask her for advice, but don't expect her to be nice — it's Ask Audrey. What's your problem?

Sorting out Cork people for ages

C’mere, what’s the story with crochet? The old doll is a fierce one for latching on to the latest thing on TikTok and she’s taken to watching crochet videos all night long. She even refused to watch Love is Blind UK last night with me and that is about gomies who get engaged without seeing each other, you’re talking peak telly there, but no, she’s engrossed in some gowl who has some kind of hack when it comes to counting stitches. Look, I can cope with the rejection, it’s nice to be left alone now and again.
The problem is the actual crochet. She’s after getting all the gear now so she can start making videos of her own and I’m sitting there thinking one thing only — this reminds me of my Mam. She was mad into crochet back in the day. Not a big problem as such until the old doll arrives into the bedroom last night and slips on a skimpy crochet top, whispering all sorts of smut to Dowcha Donie. I’m like, sorry love, I can’t be doing the business with someone who reminds me of my Mam. I did an internet search there for ‘how to cure an old doll of crochet addiction’ and there is a fella in Ballincollig who will do it for 800 quid. Do you think he’s legit?
— Dowcha Donie, Blackpool

I rang the guy in Ballincollig there and asked him how he gets people off crochet. He said, I get them hooked on porn. I’m not sure if your Mam likes porn Dowcha Donie, but if not, then this might be good for your sex life.