Ask Audrey: Watching people with a smaller house on Home of the Year is even better than sex

There aren’t enough emojis in the world to express how appalled we were at some of the design choices people made in their little houses, they must have done it themselves to save money.

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

C’mere what’s the story with getting paid to leave RTÉ? Myself and the old doll were watching the story about redundancy payments to RTÉ head honchos on the RTÉ News last night, I’m not sure if that’s ironic. Anyway the old doll hatched a plan, fuelled in part by this new rocket fuel vodka she got sent because she’s an influencer now, lah. Her plan was for us to go into RTÉ in Cork and chain ourselves to the stairs, refusing to leave until they gave us a back-hander, brown envelope, the job! In we went this morning pretending to be Dáithí O’Sé Super-Fans (I know) and locked ourselves in place. I’ll be honest, it seems like a terrible idea now that we’ve sobered up, but the pride is fierce because we’re Norries so there is no way we’re leaving without a few quid. Dáithí suggested we come on the Today show to talk about the dangers of drinking and I wouldn’t rule it out, but I’m hungover and hungry and they’re saying they won’t leave the heating on over-night, which is fair enough really, we started this . How can we get out of it now without losing face? 

— Dowcha Donie, Blackpool