Diary of a Gen Z Student: Here's my advice for navigating the murky waters of dating apps

Jane Cowan is a student in Trinity College Dublin, where she is in her second year, studying English.

When you think about it, dating has never been so efficient. I mean you can be filtering through any number of prospective partners at pretty much any time of day. Your train home from college? Use that time wisely: look for your future husband, wife, drinking partner, or whatever it is that you’re in the market for. I’m not judging. But you can find any type of partner on a dating app, if you search hard enough.

The dawn of the dating app has utterly changed the landscape of modern relationships. The options seem endless — and they kind of are. As far as I know, no one has ever finished Tinder or Hinge. But I’m sure many have given it a good go. There’s always more swiping to do. You have this vague belief that if you keep swiping through, you’ll always find someone better. Nice try, Dylan573! But Prince Charming is probably a swipe away. The trouble is that’s not really the case. The dating scene is definitely not overrun with princes travelling on horseback. It’s more like the Dylan573s of the world. They tend to use the bus.

With all of that in mind, I have some advice for navigating the murky waters of a dating app with mild success (emphasis on mild). So, here we go … Firstly, you have to be judgemental. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. But a dating app is not the place to give someone the benefit of the doubt. If they can’t hide their idiosyncrasies (diplomatic for “insanity”) on a curated profile that they made, with the intention of attracting someone, then it has got to be a no. You’re not being mean. It’s just pragmatic. Think of your future kids. Choose their father wisely.

There’s any number of things a boy can include in their dating profile that should cause alarm bells to sound. Red flags tend to be quite glaring, in my experience. But here are the main things I would keep an eye out for. Does his profile only include group pictures? Like he’s somewhere in the photo, but you’re not sure which of the brown-haired, Nike hoodie-wearing boys he is? Keep swiping. He is never the one that you’re hoping for. Or does his profile only consist of selfies? That’s also a red flag. Too many selfies translate roughly to “I’m obsessed with myself” in boy-speak. Not that I’m fluent in the language, but I’ve certainly picked up the basics over the years. Be particularly cautious if his profile is saturated with topless photos of him in a gym. He is going to spend more time in the weights section than with you. That’s just a fact. And if he says that his main hobby is going for pints with the lads, listen to him. He’s telling the truth. He will never like you as much as he likes a trip to the pub.

Boys are simple creatures. They tell you a lot about themselves on that dating profile. But it’s your job to meticulously weed out the lies. They’re usually easily spotted. For example, any boy who says that their favourite movie is The Notebook, or Little Women is lying. They are just hoping to impress you. I know I’m making a generalisation, but a boy who says that he would watch The Notebook over Fight Club, knows exactly what you want to hear. He does not resonate with the sentimental story of Ryan Gosling building a house for the love of his life. Don’t be naïve, ladies. And if he tells you that his mother is the most important woman in his life, believe him. And run. There’s nothing that can salvage the situation. Don’t be fooled. It’s not endearing. That’s a boy who doesn’t know how to turn on the oven. For the love of God, don’t become his second mother. You’ve got better things to do with your young life.

Look, it’s treacherous out there. I don’t mean to sound like a total cynic. The dating world is unforgiving. But the trials and tribulations shouldn’t stop you. Once you know what red flags to look for, things will get a lot easier. You might not find Prince Charming on Tinder, but Dylan573 might be nicer than you think. And a man travelling on horseback was probably not going to work out anyways.