Diary of a Gen Z Student: Dating in college is a unique experience — here are the major rules

One major rule for dating in college: is 'do not commit course-cest'. This means getting romantically involved with someone in the same course as you in college. And it’s a big no-no

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Oh, Christ! It’s only been 20 minutes. I’d rather re-sit Leaving Cert Irish than hear about this guy’s passion for the Premier League. We know what I’m describing. I’m sitting opposite a person who seemed so fun before the date. But now I’m in a bright café, drinking bitter coffee. Not the dimly lit bar, sipping a G&T. Oh what I would give for a G&T right now. But I’m in a café. Tea and coffee are all I’ve got.

That first date can be uncomfortable... excruciating, arduous, torturous — those descriptors work well too. You’re sitting there, questioning your own sanity. I must have been experiencing a minor stroke when I signed myself up for this date. I swear he was taller. I swear he looked more like Jack in Titanic. I wouldn’t be making space on my floating door for this boy as the Titanic went down. And for the love of God, I swear he didn’t look like someone who would ask for his coffee decaf. And did he really just say that? Someone needs to tell him, he doesn’t need to blurt out every thought that enters that pea-sized brain of his.

The first 60 seconds of a first date are crucial. I am internally running through a list of check-box questions. This is usually when I decide if a second date is off the table. Was he on time? Does he open the door for me? Does he need a haircut? Does it look like his mother dressed him? All good questions. Girls are particularly observant in those early days of dating.

You may think we are mystified, caught up in a dalliance. We are not.

Fashion, drink order, body language. Nothing is getting past us. I can overlook certain things. But socks and sandals? Have you no shame? I know this all sounds cruel. But that’s modern dating. I don’t make the rules.

Dating in college is a unique experience. One major rule: do not commit course-cest. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, this is getting romantically involved with someone in the same course as you in college. And it’s a big no-no. You’ll be in lectures, and tutorials, and labs with these people for four years. You don’t want to be lab partners with your ex-boyfriend, two weeks after you’ve broken up. A science lab is not a good place to hash out an argument.

Embark on those romantic endeavours with caution.

Jane Cowan is a student in Trinity College Dublin, where she is in her second year, studying English. She is nineteen. She is from Dunshaughlin, Meath.

Another major rule. People are looking for as little commitment as possible. So, if you’ve not explicitly said that you’re exclusive, you’re still ‘seeing other people’. Whatever the hell that means.

It’s easy to become confused by the rules of this 'sport'. Swiping left and right, the difference between talking to someone, seeing someone, being exclusive with someone, and being in a relationship with someone, are new concepts. Back in the stone age (like when my parents were in college) you were either together or you weren’t. As far as I can tell, people weren’t looking for excuses to avoid commitment.

Maybe it’s all the dating apps. They give us a false sense that if we keep swiping, keep looking for a better match, we will always find it. A few swipes through Tinder will show you that the dating market is not exactly rife with Ryan Gosling lookalikes. If you’re into the Andrew Tate supporters of the world, however, you’re in luck. The market is saturated with those.

We’ve come up with so many ways of getting out of that second date...

One popular method, and my personal favourite: getting ‘the ick’. There is any number of things a boy can do to give me ‘the ick’. I’ll give you an idea of what this can look like. An overly accessorised man? God, no. Why do you need a hat, scarf, AND gloves? Or a man who’s too cautious crossing the road? What, are you scared of being hit by a bus or something? Or a man who’s too tight to pay for my coffee on the first date? I don’t think I need to explain that one. Before the dawn of Love Island, ‘the ick’ was just called being turned-off by someone. But one thing’s for certain. Once you get ‘the ick’ there is no way of recovering, in my experience. It's a done deal. Romance has died. Run while you can. It’s scorched earth.

Despite the endless obstacles in dating, we keep showing up. The rules, regulations, ‘icks’, and eejits of the world won’t stop us. It takes 10,000 hours to achieve excellence. That’s a lot of first dates. There are so many ways for a first date to go badly. But here I am, sipping my coffee, counting down the seconds until he stops telling me about the Premier League.

We are an optimistic bunch, when it comes to dating. At some point, it’s got to work out. I’m a good person. God can only force me to endure so many tooth-pulling first dates. Or at least I hope so. There’s only so many socks-and-sandals-wearing, Andrew-Tate-supporting, decaf-coffee-drinking boys a girl can put up with. I’m only human.