Bernard O'Shea: I tried this hack to make scents last... and it worked

From "Eau de Parf...Thingy?" to wallet-bursting spritzes: unravelling the myths and layers of the fragrance world with a petroleum jelly test.

Irish Examiner columnist Bernard O'Shea: not pictured.

Ah, the power of scent! A whiff can bring back memories, emotions, and sometimes that nauseating feeling of regret after a particularly dubious meal choice. However, can a tub of Vaseline keep those memories lingering longer?

I've always been curious about those uber-fancy bottles with French names that, for the life of me, I can't pronounce correctly. "Eau de Parf... Parf... Parfa...Thingy?" 

I joke that my new fragrance is "Pensions by Men in Decline." It got me thinking: what's behind these magical elixirs, and how do they have such a profound effect on our mood and those around us?

Contrary to my self-beliefs, perfumes aren't just fancy water. They are concoctions of top, middle, and base notes. 

The top notes, like my first attempt at karaoke, are noticeable immediately but vanish quickly. They're the citrusy, fresh smells. 

The middle ones, like floral or fruity, linger like that embarrassing memory of slipping in public. And the base notes? They're the heavy, woody scents that stick around.

Ever wonder why the smell of fresh bread in the supermarket makes you feel warm and fuzzy? It's tied to your brain's limbic system, which controls emotions. 

In essence, your old aunties' obsession with Milton fluid's peculiar aroma might not be your favourite, but it certainly does spark that nostalgic trip down memory lane.

However, much like the legend of the Loch Ness Monster or that tale about swallowed gum staying in your stomach for seven years, the perfume industry has its share of tall tales.

1. Smelling your perfume means it's not for you.

This adage suggests if you're aware of your fragrance, it clashes with your chemistry. In truth, olfactory fatigue, where one's nose gets used to scents, is the real culprit.

2. Eau de Parfum outlasts Eau de Toilette.

This is accurate. Eau de Parfum has a higher fragrance concentration than Eau de Toilette, making it more potent. However, a scent's longevity varies based on skin pH and diet.

3. Perfumes vary on each person.

True! Individual body chemistry, influenced by hormones and diet, affects how fragrances manifest. A scent evoking tropical vibes on one might be starkly different on another.

Now, the current myth is that using petroleum-based moisturiser beneath your cologne to amp up its longevity.

High-end perfumes are wallet-bursting, and it's disheartening to see those pricey spritzes vanish faster than my attempts at dieting. 

The viral hack is to slap some petroleum jelly on your pulse points, spray your chosen scent, and voilà! The ol' money-saver in action.

The science behind the hack is that perfumes and dry skin mix, as I do with morning workouts. It's not too great and often ends in tears and a rash in a hard-to-reach place. 

The alcohol in fragrances is the real culprit, drying out the skin. Social media enlightened sages suggest petroleum jelly.

So, armed with a tub and my morning optimism, I dabbed some on one wrist and left the other as nature intended. However, it was a squishy disaster. 

My cuff kept scuffing the jelly, so I reverted to my neck. I re-spritzed my scent on both, and off I went. Hours later, I couldn't tell if the jelly side reigned supreme in the scent battle because I'd no one to smell me. 

I thought about heading into Limerick to ask passers-by, but it was getting dark, and I'm pretty sure people think I'm odd enough as it is without being arrested for inviting people to smell me.

My experiment, however, took a turn when we visited my sister at the weekend. 

I bumped into a tiny little bottle of aftershave called "oud" in their bathroom. It's pricier than my entire wardrobe. 

I checked their vanity mirror, and they had a tub of Vaseline, so I "borrowed" a few sprays from my brother-in-law and re-tried the wrist placement (I'll put those sprays back into the bottle. I swear, once my credit union loan is approved) 

The next day it was abundantly clear. It was jelly for the win! I had the kids sniff to ensure I wasn't hallucinating.

Giving this a shot was a breeze, unlike taking cold showers for a week or swallowing 100's garlic bulbs, and, for once, TikTok and Instagram didn't lead me astray. 

The petroleum jelly trick? Absolute gold. My less salubrious cologne's here to stay, and so is my jelly!