I'm Grand Mam's Kevin Twomey: 'I didn't know that was going to be my last New Year's with him'

Kevin Twomey: "Growing up queer and wrapping your head around your sexuality - there’s comfort in trusting the process."

I grew up in Douglas in Cork. I'm the third child of four. I went to St. Anthony's school in Ballinlough.

From a young age, I was always interested in performing. I landed my first role in first class when Miss Burke put on a production of Aladdin.

Initially, I was chosen to play Aladdin's mam but it turns out the guy who was meant to play Aladdin still didn't know the words for the show. I was mouthing everyone else’s lines. A week before the show, the teacher ended up begging me to be Aladdin. Anyway, that's showbiz.

I have great memories of our family holidays. We used to always go to Derrynane on holiday.

One time, I had the worst earache. My mam would usually be the one that I would go to but for whatever reason, it was my dad. He was searching high and low to see if we had any pain medication.

As soon as my mom woke up, I was already feeling better. I was one of those mammy’s boys.

I would say I was born to be the person I am now. I knew from a really from a young age that I was a bit different, a bit quirky.

One thing that I lost sleep over for ages more so than the whole gay thing was dropping out of college. I felt this huge pressure because I was quite studious.

I had done a great Leaving Cert to go to university and get a good degree. I had it in my head that I was going to be the star child.

I was studying commerce with French at UCC and it was really hard making that call to drop out and give Performing Arts a bash. I knew in my head it sounded ridiculous, but it was something I had to do. I wasn't happy and I knew I was going to live with this regret if I didn't try.

Coming out as gay came easier to me, especially with my dad, than telling him that I was dropping out of UCC to start auditioning for colleges in London. I remember the massive weight that was over me. I still felt like I was making a mistake.

What me and PJ [Kirby] are doing, we work really hard at it. There is this small fear bubbling underneath that it could stop at any moment. People might turn around tomorrow and say; ‘We don't like the podcast’ or podcasts might not be as much of a thing anymore.

PJ is great for helping me keep those feelings at bay. I tend to catastrophize things sometimes.

Kevin Twomey: "I would say I was born to be the person I am now."

My English friends tell me I’m fairly empathetic. It’s mortifying even saying it. If one of those ads comes on TV to make a donation to some school - for fear of donating to every charity under the sun - I have to just switch off.

When you're making tough decisions on things, you have a fair idea of where you’re going to go and you want that person to bounce it off. My mam would be my confidante.

We have always had a very close-knit relationship. She hates a lot of the clothes I wear and she’ll text me back and say; ‘Kevin, you're joking. That’s awful on you.’

Growing up queer and wrapping your head around your sexuality - there’s comfort in trusting the process. My uncle is gay. I was really fortunate to have him and his partner; my family never shied away from it.

I spent a lot of time with my dad and we were very close. Living away from him, I didn't know that was going to be my last New Year's with him.

I didn’t go home and I know it’s not a major thing but I wish I had. You never think it’s going to be your last one, you know?

I've made this very strong decision that I'm not going to drive. People might argue it's because I'm a gay man and I have no intentions of driving and I look better in the passenger seat and I love being in control of the music.

It's the biggest reverse card you can play in life because you're walking everywhere. You’re fitter and there’s a huge environmental impact, especially in a city like London.

I would say I’ve given up fast fashion completely but I'd be very conscious about the clothes that I buy. Over here, there’s a bigger selection of charity and vintage shops to choose from.

I'd be concerned about the quality of clothes nowadays because obviously fast fashion is just made for the masses. I know it’s not possible and I’m guilty of a quick haul to ASOS but I’d feel bad about it. I panic buy.

You can get sucked into following stories online about awful people in the world. That’s another thing I have to shut off from. I’d never leave the house again if I worried about everything that happened in London.

I still think I would have left my course even if I took a different fork. I probably would have been better suited to something science-related or physiotherapy or occupational therapy.

If I did stay in commerce and French, I like the idea that I’d go on Erasmus in my third year and meet a gorgeous Frenchman and stay in his French château, and never go back for my final year. I’d be living a life of wine and cheese.

• The I’m Grand Mamual by PJ Kirby and Kevin Twomey, published by Gill, is out now