Bernard O'Shea: DIY dermatology - an idiot's guide to homemade face masks

Bernard O'Shea: porridge oats are our man's hero skincare ingredient

It's time for me to face the facts, my skin is begging for a little TLC, and the answer may be in a DIY face mask specifically crafted for my beardy needs.

Tracing back from the golden age of the Pharaohs who used crocodile dung face masks as their secret weapon for an ageless appeal to the Roman women who used sweat from gladiators to enhance their complexion and geishas who bathed in Japanese nightingale poo for a youthful glow, yours truly began "borrowing" my wife's expensive face creams in the hope of clawing back my youth.