Stars in Your Lives: Why a Taurus can be either your best or worst colleague at work
Some of our greatest thinkers and talkers have been Taurean - like Lizzo.
20 April — 20 May
: Earth
The Bull
It’s a minute to six, and you’re finishing your shift, exhausted. As you reach for your belongings, a hotel guest storms in your direction.
“I want a word with you,” she barks, her cheeks redder than the bowl of apples on the counter.
"How can I help—." Before you can finish your question, the woman, with her flared nostrils, lists every fault in her bedroom — only taking a break to devour the complimentary fruit in front of her.
As she grouses about a single dust particle on the blinds, you retrieve her reservation and deduce from her date of birth that this guest is, unsurprisingly, Taurean. They can spend their days unravelling because the world never meets their high standards.
"Are you writing these complaints down?" You concede defeat. "Let me get a pen."
"Get a few pens," she advises, now shovelling a handful of free hard-boiled sweets into her mouth. "I’m only getting started!"
No matter their age, a Taurean’s temper can escalate from 0 — 10 quicker than you can shout "matador". Rest assured, your baby’s form will soon return to normal — after taking their frustrations out on the nursery. And the bathroom. And the good dining room. There’s a reason bulls are banned from China shops.
The average newborn is fed 8-12 times daily — in your greedy bull’s case, that will be at least double. Few signs are more routine-obsessed than Taureans, so if nom-nom-time is on the hour, every hour, stick to that structure unless you want the baby chair flung through your double-glazed windows.
Nature-loving Taureans love relaxing in serene, rustic pastorals. (You can take a bull out of a field…) However, from their pram, they’ll complain that the yellow-feathered canary’s musical interludes are off-key while the autumnal leaves are too orange. Or not orange enough. Dear parent, if Mother Nature can’t get it right, you won’t either.
New parents might think chatter about school won’t concern them for several years. Patience is no virtue in the eyes of a young Taurean; they can’t wait ten seconds, never mind four years, so they’ll be enrolling into Baby Infants — and probably, college — before leaving the maternity ward.
While Charles Dickens only revealed that Oliver Twist was born in 1830, the moment the orphan mouthed those immortal words, ‘Please, Sir, I want some more!’, readers instantly knew the boy’s birthday fell between late April and May. Even The Simpsons’ creators had the astrological savviness to make doughnut-loving Homer a Taurean.
This insatiable greed springs from their stubborn and forceful nature. They want it all — be it two servings of plum and apple cobbler or total control of Europe, Iraq or Cambodia. (See: Adolf Hitler, Saddam Hussein and Pol Pot.) As The Rock, John Cena and André the Giant will attest, they never shy away from a fight. Then there’s William Shakespeare — whether it’s suicidal lovers or politically ambitious husband-and-wife duos, the Bard’s bullish thirst for blood is evident in every scene.
Some of our greatest thinkers and talkers have been Taurean: Sigmund Freud, Karl Marx, Niccolò Machiavelli and our very own Bono. Bulls don’t always have to spill blood to eradicate their enemies — they can lull them to death with their words instead. Lizzo knows the power of a good lyric.
Taurean colleagues are always ready and willing when you want something done — and, frustratingly, even when you don’t. However, as David Beckham has often discussed, bulls battle lifelong OCD. Their office will be museum-like, with furniture strategically positioned, folders stacked alphabetically, and stationery arranged in a colour-coordinated fashion.
While they control their surroundings, the same can’t be said for what emerges from their uncensored mouths. You’ll soon learn not to ask them for their opinion — although you’ll probably receive it anyway.
With finances, you could argue that bulls ‘seeing red’ is related to the red discount labels littering the bargain basket. Oh my days, they love a discount! If they’re footing the bill, ensure to exclude them from the Christmas party committee — otherwise, the spread will consist of whatever was reduced by 80% in Dealz that day.
Incidentally, while Taureans hate spending their own money — they’ve no problem spending someone else’s. They love luxury and will do anything — or anyone — to maintain their opulent lifestyle (See: Eva Péron and Melania Trump).
Despite their hot-tempered nature, Taureans crave stability, meaning they’re looking for a long-term relationship from conception. The bull is ruled by Venus, the planet of love, so how could it be any other way?
Despite their faults, they personify loyalty and will never abandon you. Just ask Taurean songstress Tammy Wynette, whose hit, ‘Stand by Your Man’, encapsulates their steadfast allegiance. Their notorious temper might suggest otherwise, but Taureans can actually be pleasant, friendly and, when undisturbed, gentle. They even love to cuddle.
But when they’re not holding their lover, they’re clinging onto every object that has entered their orbit — because another common trait is that they cannot throw anything anyway, no matter how little use it’ll ever serve.
If you pursue a relationship with a Taurean, they’ll keep love letters, Valentine’s cards and ticket stubs from every show you attended together. All of which will be neatly stored in their basement — alongside the corpses of those unfortunate enough to get on the wrong side of their temper.
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