Ellen Keane: ‘The greatest challenge I’ve faced is definitely my own mind'

‘I always think who would I be if I had two hands or what would I be doing and if I’d want to have two hands, and honestly, I wouldn’t’

Ellen Keane and The Dove Self-Esteem Project has partnered with Shine Festival and The Shona Project to help the next generation in Ireland develop a positive relationship with how they look.

I am from Clontarf. I have two brothers and a sister. I’m the youngest. I went to Belgrove in Clontarf for primary school and then I went to Holy Faith for secondary school and after that, I went to a boarding school in England for two years to swim and then I came home, and I did my Leaving Cert.

My earliest memory is a weird one because I’ve spent so much time in and out of Cappagh Orthopaedic Hospital where you get your prosthetics and stuff. I would have had prosthetics as a really young kid so anytime I think about my childhood outside of swimming and outside of sport, I always think of Cappagh, and I always think of being there as a kid and getting prosthetics and the rehab that comes with having one hand.

I went to boarding school in 2010 so it was a two year lead up to the London 2012 Paralympics and I went specifically for one coach. Because it was a school, obviously people left and went to university afterwards and in the second year that I was there, 95% of the people that I was swimming with went to university straight after so my coach decided to kind of take a back seat. So, the person I went there to work with wasn’t my coach anymore and I kind of struggled the second year. I think in the second year as well, because I was away from home and the pressures of sport and stuff were starting to get to me, I did really struggle mentally so I was glad to come home afterwards.

I do think I was born to be the person I am now. I think everything happens for a reason. I’m very much a believer in embracing the circumstances that you’re in because it’s for a greater good or a greater cause.

I often think who would I be if I had two hands or what would I be doing and if I’d want to have two hands, and honestly, I wouldn’t because I would have a completely different life. I probably wouldn’t be as successful as I am now. I probably wouldn’t be as happy as I am now either.

The greatest advice I have been given is to trust my gut and to go with whatever my gut instinct is telling me.

I think the greatest challenge I’ve faced is definitely my own mind. When I was growing up, I was such a happy little kid and then when I became a teenager, I started to get really insecure about my arm and my body. I guess when you’re a young and you’re insecure and all of these things are happening around you, you don’t actually realise the effects that’s having on your mental health.

After the Paralympics in Rio in 2016 I realised I’m really, really good at putting myself down and I’m really good at not believing in myself and not being my number one supporter and looking after myself and that’s kind of when I decided I needed to work on my mental health and being kind to myself. I guess that’s the biggest challenge and it’s still an ongoing thing. Mental health is always going to be an ongoing thing.

My proudest achievement is definitely coming out of Tokyo Paralympics with a gold medal. But its more how I handled myself in Tokyo and in the lead up to Tokyo and learning to believe in myself. Even if I had come away from Tokyo without the gold medal but I had still been the person I was and I still approached the scenario the same way as I did — I never doubted myself and I think that’s a really satisfying thing to say.

The person I’ve leaned on the most in the past few years has been my agent Sinead. A lot of athletes don’t have sports agents, and I always get asked what is the best quality to look for in an agent and for me, it’s about my friendship with Sinead. I guess because she is a woman as well in an industry which is saturated with men, it’s interesting to have that uniqueness about us — we’re two women in the sports business making our way through it.

My greatest quality is my ability not to react in the moment. I think I’m quite good at waiting and digesting information and not being impulsive with my feelings. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like arguing. I like to take the time out. The life lesson I’d like to pass on is to not react in the moment and to try and see the bigger picture. There’s always another way of doing things and, I guess as a disabled woman, I know for a fact that one size doesn’t fit all and just because you think you can’t do something doesn’t mean you won’t be able to do it another way.

My greatest skill is my ability to be open and vulnerable and share stories. I think it’s a really important thing, to be able to be vulnerable. What scares me most in life is not growing and doing the same thing every day and not challenging myself.

I guess the legacy of visibility of disability would be what I would like to leave behind and have more people with disability being seen in the media. Representation and being able to see different bodies is so important.

• Ellen Keane and The Dove Self-Esteem Project has partnered with Shine Festival and The Shona Project to help the next generation in Ireland develop a positive relationship with how they look. Download the tools at exa.mn/y2v.