Ask Audrey: 'Covid won't stop me scoring with babes in Mallorca'

It's just a light strain of coronavirus, lay off

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hey dude, so I’m from the richest family in Ballintemple, measured by the number of times I had to use a bank draft to buy a pair of designer sunglasses. So myself and my man Bryan with a ‘y’ are due to fly out to Mallorca this weekend — we booked the row behind us and in front of us as well, so we don’t have to sit near people who pronounce it Majorka. There will be none of them in the resort, for sure — it’s so exclusive, you can’t pronounce it unless you went to private school. There’s just one problem — I have a touch of Covid. It’s a really chilled strain of Covid just to be clear, I feel a bit light-headed but in an enjoyable kind of way. I told Bryan with a ‘y’ and he was like, “dude, stay in Cork if you like, that’s just more trust fund babes in the queue for Bryan with a ‘y’.” So, like, ‘no’, ya feel me? I haven’t spent the last two years cooped up in Ireland with trainee mechanics from Athlone just so that Bryan with a ‘y’ can get a clear run at some of the most thoughtful hot babes in Europe. I’m here going — “Ed, you belong in Mallorca dude, surrounded by people who never have to make their own lunch — just get on that plane and say nothing.” Anything wrong with that?

— Ed, Ballintemple.