Ask Audrey: The buns on the huns down in Kanturk are peachy

Sorting Out Cork People for Ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

It’s getting suspicious on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Stunners Who Don’t Believe All the Hype About Dungarvan. Fif_IncrediblyWhiteTeeth started it off yesterday when she posted, "Hey, so I can’t stand the sight of my kids or my Ken, all I want is a weekend away with my bee-atches, is that too much to ask?" Lorna_GorgeousKids said; "I’m in babes, so is it Lisbon or Venice, there’s no way I’m going to Marbs again — it’s crawling with mediocs from Ballincollig." (Mediocs is what we call mediocrities, hilaire.)? Fifi was straight back with "#AirportNightmare babes, I’m hearing great things about Dungarvan." That was a very brave thing to say because I’m not sure if you know this Audrey, but Dungarvan is in Waterford, which is the Irish for disappointment. But Fifi doubled down and said; "it’s incredibly chi-chi down there as long as you don’t make eye contact with the locals." Lorna said she heard that as well, and a lot of the lower orders from Cork don’t bother with it because they suffer from anxiety attacks if they go east of Youghal. So four of us are going down this weekend in a 75 grand BMW to totes grab eyeballs when we drive into town. I’m not sure though — are we mad, expecting a sophisticated weekend in Dungarvan? 

— Jenni, Douglas Road