Bernard O'Shea: I used to have synthetic grass, now I'm trying No Mow May on my real lawn

Bernard O'Shea tries No Mow May

As I write, I hear the noise. The droning murmur of Husqvarna’s and Hondas. I picture thousands of people happily pushing or sitting on sharp motorized blades, cutting back their lawns to perfection. Some delighted in their passion for maintaining golf-like greens to the front and rear of their abodes. Others just got another weekly chore out of the way.

My lawn, however, has gone wild. It's entirely covered with dandelions or, as we called them, growing up "pissy beds." There is some etymological truth to the plant's nickname. Dandelions are an effective diuretic, and dandelion tea has been known in some cases to increase urine output. However, I wasn't aware of this when I was seven years old, shouting at my sister, "You're going to piss the bed tonight because you touched loads of them."

There were loads of them in our back garden because my father didn't particularly have green fingers. We also didn't have a proper lawnmower. We had one of those manual green rusted death traps handed down to us by Jethro Tull. Last Christmas, our youngest got a fisher price lawn mower from Santa, and it would have been more effective in cutting the grass. I remember my mother trying her best to cut through what was effectively silage length growth to no avail. It would take half the day to do a ten-meter square patch when I was eventually ordered to do it. The only upside was I had the arm strength of Popeye when I was finished. I heard a Noel Gallagher interview where he told Dave Fanning that his mother used to cut the grass with scissors. That would have been a viable option, and having no lawn at all.

Last year in the US, Nevada passed a state law prohibiting grass growing for landscaping purposes. According to the New York Times, "Outlawing grass is perhaps the most dramatic effort yet to conserve water in the Southwest, where decades of growth and 20 years of drought made worse by a warming climate have led to dwindling supplies from the Colorado River". Essentially making having a lawn in cities like Las Vegas potentially illegal.

It's not to say that Ireland doesn't have to look at water conservation, but a lot of it falls from the sky. Now that I'm living out west, there seems to be an endless consistent supply of rain, even on days when the sun is shining. However, when we lived in Dublin, I got synthetic grass installed in our tiny back garden. I always commented, "It's the tidiest room in the house." It was brilliant. The kids could always play on it, but the most significant advantage was no maintenance.

CLIMATE & SUSTAINABILITY HUB

Now I'm surrounded by a much larger problem that requires a lot of work. It's work I don't particularly like. I don't get a kick out of gardening, and I especially dislike cutting the grass. The only thing I want about it is the smell. The aroma of freshly cut grass clicks all the buttons on in my brain that are labelled "school holidays", "beer gardens", and "GAA".

My father-in-law cuts our grass for us. This month I noticed that it had started thriving again. I asked him to leave it for another month. I saw our son Tadhg spending hours in the back garden blowing dandelions and our daughter making hundreds of daisy chains. Even a few bluebells started popping up. The downside is the occasional scream, "A BEE ."My kids are terrified and fascinated by them equally. Proper bumblebees are buzzing around the place, replacing the buzz of strimmers and lawnmowers.

Unbeknown to myself, I was participating in a movement called "No Mow May". According to Better Homes and Gardens, "The idea behind No Mow May is to leave your lawn alone for May. This allows lawn flowers to bloom and feed hungry native bees emerging from hibernation when other flowers are scarce." 

Ecologist Anja Murray is a big advocate of No Mow May too, writing in this paper that we all need to leave our lawns alone because in Ireland, one-third of the 98 wild bee species here are at risk of extinction, so every wildflower counts. 

My wife was rightly sceptical of my Pauline conversion to domestic ecology. "You know my Dad will cut the lawn, right? You don't have to do anything" Here's the truth. I'd do anything to back out of house chores. I hate doing everything from emptying the dishwasher to hoovering. Still, I thought if leaving the grass to grow a bit is contributing in a small way to help our environment, why not?

I can understand people's obsession with their lawns and gardens. We all know that person who entertains us morning, noon, and night with the orchestral sounds of every conceivable garden implement Lidl has ever sold on its middle aisle. People are obsessed with cutting their grass to the point where there is eventually nothing to cut. But then there is the majority of people like my father-in-law who cut it to keep it getting "out of control."

Yesterday he asked me, "where are you going to store all the hay?" and it's possible now that the ride-on won't be able to cut it. But I'm glad I did it. The kids spent more time screaming and gazing at insects and bees, and for the first time ever, I used my unique brand of laziness to help the environment. But now my back garden is out of control.

My only issue now is how I will get it back under control. I might have to ring Noel Gallaghers Mum for a hand.