Ask Audrey: 'D'you know where I could learn to speak posh in a hurry?'

Sorting out Cork people for ages.

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello, it’s Rosealeen here in Ballydesmond. I’ve had it up to the top of my good Spanx with people telling me that Kerry men are very good-looking. Sure I have a poster here of the Kerry team who won the 2014 All-Ireland and it’s like a warning as to what might happen if you marry your second cousin. It’s time to set the record straight. 

Peaky Blinders is back on the television this weekend and we’re holding a special outdoor screening here in downtown Ballydesmond, with free pick ‘n’ mix to attract them out of their primordial slime across the border in Scartaglin. Every time Cillian Murphy comes on the screen, myself and Berna will roar out “look at the eyes on him, you wouldn’t get that in Kerry” and the Scartaglin crowd will have no option but to sit there and stuff their faces with Fizzy Cola Bottles as a consolation.