Ask Audrey: Amn’t I 20 pages into my debut erotic novel, 50 Shades of Scartaglin

Sorting out Cork people for ages

Ask Audrey has been sorting Cork people out for ages.

Hello, it’s Rosealeen here from Ballydesmond. I mightn’t have mentioned this to you before, but I’m actually an accountant. Don’t mind all the things you hear about accountants being deadly boring, we’re actually much worse than that. As jobs go, it’s about as exciting as a shopping trip to Millstreet and between yourself and myself, I spent most my days in front of the computer screen having filthy thoughts, when I should be helping small businesses in north Cork to hide money from the taxman. (Or woman for that matter, #equality.) I have a friend, she’s very liberal-minded, the priest calls her Dirty Diana, didn’t I tell her that I would love to change career to something that interests me and didn’t she suggest that I try writing erotic fiction about the local area. Anyway amn’t I 20 pages into my debut erotic novel, 50 Shades of Scartaglin. All I need now is a pen-name because I don’t want that lúdramán of a priest bad-mouthing me about the parish. What would be a good name, tell me?
- Rosealeen, Ballydesmond.

Don’t talk to be about bad-mouthing clerics. I had a fling with a bishop once, he didn’t have a clue how to kiss, with tongues like. I said to him, come here, I’ll give you some lessons, but there’s no such thing as a free lunch – what would you give me for an hour of snogging? He said, three Hail Marys And a Glory be to God. #ItsASin