Ask Audrey: who is this Cameron Norrie fella in the US Open?

Sorting out all your pandemic problems...

GUTEN tag. I am living in Skibbereen now, for a few months. I forgot to bring a mask to the supermarket last week and the lady behind the till asked me to leave. I was mortified by my failure to take correct precautions during a pandemic in a West Cork town (there is a German word for this precise feeling), until this incredibly beautiful hippy stopped me on the street and said, 'Hey, dude, saw you striking a blow for the anti-mask revolution back there: Let’s go have sex in a sand dune.' It turns out, West Cork is full of anti-mask hippy women.  I’ve been intimate with three of them in the past week; all I have to do is refuse to wear a mask and hanky panky!! - Jurgen, Skibbereen.

I rang my hippy friend there, OutSick Oonagh, and said, 'What have ye got against wearing a mask'? She said, 'Because we reckon the global elite wants to kill us all.' I said, 'Why'? She said, 'Because we smoked a load of gange and the paranoia would destroy ya.'