Why salon visit is not cut and dried for the neurodivergent child

Getting a hair trim is routine for most, but for others, the noise, lights, and smells can feel overwhelming, especially if they find it difficult to sit still for long periods. So some hairdressers are utilising therapeutic methods

Artie at Flourish & Be Artie Carey with his dad Pat. Picture: Martin Walsh.

Children are preparing to return to school and parents are ticking the usual tasks off the list: Shoes, uniform, and haircut. For most children, getting a haircut is straightforward: Sit still in the chair, and it’s all over in half an hour. However, for neurodivergent children, an appointment at a traditional hairdresser’s can be stressful, even overwhelming.

Pat Carey lives in Ballyvourney, Co Cork, with his wife, Eileen, and their two children, Artie, 7, and Katie Mae, 6.

Artie is autistic. He doesn’t speak and uses a tablet to communicate. He is highly sensory aware, which can make going to a traditional hair salon challenging.

Artie at Flourish & Be Artie in in Flourish & Be in Clonakilty with Claire Reen along with his dad Pat and sister Katie Mae. Picture: Martin Walsh.

“He is sensory seeking as opposed to sensory sensitive,” says Carey. “You usually associate autistic kids with not liking bright lights and loud noises, whereas Artie loves bright lights and loud noises.”

Rebecca Quin, a clinical psychologist, says hair appointments can be challenging for neurodivergent children because they process sensory information differently.

Clinical psychologist Rebecca Quin

“Everyday sensations that others barely notice can feel intense, unpredictable, or even painful,” says Quin. “In a busy hair salon, multiple sensory demands occur at once: The sound of hairdryers, the vibration of scissors, water sprayed onto their head, strong smells, bright lighting, conversation, and physical touch.

“When these demands exceed a child’s capacity to cope, the brain’s threat-detection system may interpret the experience as a potential danger, triggering a stress response. The child isn’t choosing to be upset; their nervous system is trying to protect them.”

A safe environment

Going to a traditional hair salon isn’t an option for Artie. “There could be four or five different seats and chairs. It’s full, there are people in the waiting area,” says Carey. “There’s the waiting…the heat. There’s the extra noise on top of what’s going to be a more sensory experience.”

Carey heard about an inclusive salon, called Flourish and Be, in Clonakilty, led by Emma Connolly, an occupational therapist (OT), who consults with families before they come in for a haircut. Based on each child’s needs and sensory profile, Connolly helps them build up to a haircut, with stylist Claire Reen eventually doing the cutting. Often, this takes several appointments.

Occupational Therapist Emma Connolly

“When kids come into us, sometimes that’s an expectation for parents that you just have to hold them down or we won’t get it done. We do not do that,” Connolly says. “What it really looks like is building rapport, taking your time, and realising that, actually, if your hair is a little bit long, it’s not the end of the world.

Artie at Flourish & Be Artie in Flourish & Be in Clonakilty with Claire Reen and his dad Pat. Picture: Martin Walsh.

“We might start with a breakdown of what’s required to actually get a haircut. Maybe we need to just brush the hair today, and that’s all we’re doing, but that trust is there.”

The Flourish and Be ambience makes Artie feel more comfortable and relaxed. “We’re in there for our time slot. We can take our time,” says Carey.

“They also have bubble tubes and all the different sensory toys and things, which help to create an atmosphere of openness and acceptance.”

Teenagers also need support

Sensory challenges don’t just affect young children. Quin says: “Many neurodivergent teens can continue to find haircuts very stressful, because sensory-processing differences often don’t disappear with age,” she says. “In fact, adolescence can make the experience even more challenging, as heightened self-consciousness, social expectations, or previous negative experiences of the hairdressers can amplify the body’s threat response.

Hairdresser Taylor Kelleher is the owner of Hair By Tay Tay in Midleton, Co Cork. She has dyspraxia and runs an inclusive salon. The majority of her clients are neurodivergent.

Taylor Kelleher of Hair by Tay Tay in Midleton, Co. Cork.

The salon offers silent appointments, plays music at a lower volume, and uses quieter hairdryers. Appointments are not rushed, and clients can walk around and take breaks.

Some of Kelleher’s clients have not had a haircut in several years. This is nothing to be embarrassed about.

“There’s no judgement…You don’t need to be here every couple of weeks.”

Kelleher specialises in bright hair colours, which appeals to her teenage clients. Including them in the process and building trust is essential, she says.

“You’d see them come in and they’re kind of quiet and they’re watching like a hawk, and that’s when I really include them that little bit extra, like [asking] ‘How’s this length? Do you want me to take it a tiny bit shorter?’...I’ll just stop and step back to ask, ‘How do you feel about this now?’ ”

Quin says the biggest support a hairdresser can offer is understanding and flexibility.

“Each neurodivergent child will have their specific preferences. Ahead of the appointment, it would be most helpful if parents could call up and mention the different adaptations that might be needed, or better still if there were a quick checklist where parents could tick off their child’s preferences or sensitivities.”

As well as inclusive hair appointments, Carey would like more accessibility and inclusivity in retail and service businesses.

“It’s not all about turning the radio off and not having overhead lights on. A lot of the time, it’s about making sure that the people who are dealing with our kids have a greater sense of understanding of what’s going on.”

Businesses can get advice from an occupational therapist or from AsIAm, Ireland’s autism charity.

Back-to-school tips

Neurodivergent children need to prepare for the routine change from summer holidays to more structured school days.

Dr Leanne Connolly, assistant professor at the School of Inclusive and Special Education

Dr Leanne Connolly, assistant professor at the School of Inclusive and Special Education, DCU Institute of Education, shares her tips for parents.

• Engage with the school: Ensure that the voice of the child is central to the return-to-school process. Where possible, identify with the child what key information they would like to share with the new teacher and SNA. Let new teachers and SNAs know of the skills they already have, ones that they are still developing, and ones that they would like to practise on their own.
• Visual aids: Use a family or personalised calendar to provide a sense of clarity on return-to-school dates. Use simple visuals to represent the schedule of the school day. If a child is transitioning to a post-primary school, practise using or reading a timetable, and colour-coding books and materials by subject.
• Discuss transport: Will they be driven by a parent, guardian, or take a school bus for the first time? Consider what life skills they may need: Road safety, buckling a belt, alighting a bus, lining up, crossing at a zebra or lollipop crossing.
• Fine motor skills: What fine motor skills might the young person benefit from developing to support them in being more independent? This may be dressing, buttons, lunchboxes, or bottles. For older children, this may be using a locker, managing their keys, or using a combination lock.
• Food preferences: Identify with your child the preferred foods that will be available for their school lunch and, if availing of hot lunches from the school, look at sample menus. Work with your child to understand structured break times.
• Bedtimes: Gradually change the time of the bedtime routine by a few minutes each night. Use visual schedules to create a bedtime routine, such as putting on pyjamas and brushing teeth. Practise laying out clothes the night before to reduce anxiety in the morning.
• Mornings: Ensure that the child is provided with ample time before school. Aim for a discreet time for your child to engage in regulating activities before leaving the house.
• Familiarity with school: Drive by the school setting. Gather photos if possible. Use the school website as a resource.

• See AsIAm.ie for more online resources