'I was so afraid we would miss something': Cork family affected by childhood cancer seeking support

Hand in Hand charity provides practical and emotional support during and after treatment, says Helen O’Callaghan

Brian and Elaine Crowley with their three sons Ellis, Ryhs and Beau at their home outside Cloyne, Co. Cork. Picture: David Creedon.

When Elaine Crowley was 15 and her mother had cancer, she kept her fears to herself, not wanting to add to her parents’ burden.

“There weren’t any supports then,” Elaine says. “I was the oldest in the family. I grew up very quickly.”

So when the East Cork-based mother’s youngest son, Beau, four, was diagnosed with leukaemia in February 2024, she was aware how it would affect her other boys — Rhys, nine, and Ellis, five. “I was just so afraid we, as parents, would miss something.”

Elaine and her husband, Brian, spent a lot of time in CHI Crumlin during Beau’s first year of treatment. And while she knew Rhys and Ellis were being “extremely well looked after” by her parents, she was concerned about their emotional wellbeing.

During the “frantic, intense” two weeks post-diagnosis, she heard about Hand in Hand, a national charity that provides free practical and emotional support to families affected by childhood cancer. The practical support includes household cleaning services, laundry, and family meals. The emotional support includes play therapy and counselling.

While many families are introduced to Hand in Hand through CHI Crumlin’s social-work team, Elaine self-referred. “What attracted me was the play therapy element for siblings.” 

Rhys and Ellis each had eight, weekly, 45-minute sessions of play therapy.

Elaine Crowley with her son Beau who is undergoing treatment for leukaemia at home outside Cloyne, Co. Cork. Picture: David Creedon

“We started with Rhys, who, at eight, definitely understood more of what was going on. We were worried he would have fears that he wouldn’t communicate with us. Now, here was another trusted adult [he could talk to],” says Elaine, who took the play therapist’s advice to incorporate some one-on-one time for Rhys with whichever parent was bringing him to and from each session.

“We’d collect him from school and afterwards bring him for hot chocolate. He used to say he ‘loved being in the car with Mum or Dad’.” 

Verbalising his worries was harder for Ellis, but after his first session, Elaine recalls him taking his Lego out and starting to build a hospital and hotel. 

“Once completed, he said he’d put them in the field next to our home. How children process through play just blew my mind. It gave me a new respect for the games they play. They’re not just imaginary: They are their lives played out. So instead of saying, ‘Clean up your Lego before you go to bed’, I’d say, ‘What’s this? Oh, it’s a hospital’.

“And over time, from constantly talking about the hospital and hotel, Ellis moved past it; obviously, he’d been processing all the time.”

Elaine, on carer’s leave from her job as a nurse tutor, and Brian could not have afforded to have two children in play therapy simultaneously without Hand in Hand’s support.

Ruth O'Connell with her daughters Ava, 6, right, and Ellie,7. Picture: Moya Nolan.

She has also accessed counselling for herself, again with the charity’s help. Beau will be on maintenance treatment for four months. This includes strong steroid treatment at the beginning of each month, which impacts his mood, sleeping patterns, behaviour, and eating. “We all find it hard. By the end of that week we’re all stressed,” says Elaine.

The counselling has been a godsend. “Helping the children regulate their emotions takes a lot out of me, especially during Beau’s week on steroids — everything’s so intense. Keeping emotionally well to look after my family is very important.”

Without Hand in Hand’s funding for her counselling, Elaine wouldn’t have spent on it if it meant forgoing fun stuff with the boys to help them de-stress. “My counselling would have fallen to the bottom of the list. Whereas, with Hand in Hand’s support, decisions I made about my wellbeing were based on need, not on finances.”

Elaine and her husband did not avail of the charity’s practical supports. “They’re there for another family. We accessed the parts we needed.”

The gesture that started it all

Hand in Hand was established in 2006 by Galway volunteers, who had helped a local family when their two-year-old was receiving leukaemia treatment in Dublin. They wanted to help other West of Ireland families contending with childhood cancer diagnosis and long commutes to Dublin for treatment. Hand in Hand became a national charity in 2012.

A childhood cancer diagnosis can be a shock, says Caroline O’Connor, fundraising and communications manager with Hand In Hand. “The child is sick, it’s finally got to the bottom of: It can all happen very quickly [at that point]. St John’s Ward at CHI Crumlin is Ireland’s children’s cancer ward, wherever you are in the country.

“It means family life is upended overnight. There isn’t much time to consider what to do next, how to make a plan — it’s all really fast, chaotic, and overwhelming.”

The charity’s mission is to help families focus on their child’s health and happiness, rather than day-to-day pressures at home. “We look after the ordinary, while families deal with the extraordinary,” O’Connor says.

Hand in Hand is supporting 94 families in 23 counties. The most-sought-after support is the family meal: A €150 voucher is allocated, monthly if needed, for the delivery of meals by a partner organisation at a time that suits the family. The household cleaning service is equally popular: It is €150 for a monthly four-hour deep clean, though some families opt for two two-hour sessions.

Demand for the laundry service fluctuates seasonally, says O’Connor. “There’s additional laundry when a child has cancer and is on chemo. This time of year, we get more requests, because it’s not easy to get bed-sheets and towels dried.”

The practical support can be a lifeline for families. “It keeps the house running, the practical things done. Coming home after an extended hospital stay to a clean house, a family meal delivered can make a big difference. And when children are sick and on chemo, they’re immunocompromised. Parents worry they’ll easily pick up an infection — a house with that extra layer of cleanliness gives peace of mind.”

Hand in Hand’s practical supports are available to families during the child’s treatment, while emotional support — play therapy, counselling — is available during treatment and up to one year post-treatment, or two years for bereavement support. “The emotional supports help families navigate an uncertain time,” says O’Connor.

Support from start to finish

Co Meath-based parents of three Ruth and Darragh O’Connell were seven months in to their daughter, Ellie’s treatment for acute lymphoblastic leukaemia when they heard about Hand in Hand. Initially, they availed of cleaning and laundry support. Until then, with Ruth often in hospital with Ellie, Darragh would spend weekends tackling the washing and cleaning. This meant neither he nor Ellie’s sisters — Chloe, now 12, and Ava, five — got to visit Ellie.

“They didn’t visit for ages. There just wasn’t time,” says Ruth, recalling the difference Hand in Hand’s support made. “It enabled Darragh to bring them in to see Ellie and me. It was amazing. I’ll never forget the whole lot of them coming in… [On one occasion] they were five hours in the playroom.

“Ellie loved it: This was her world, and now her sisters were getting a look into that world, where everyone knew Ellie. And it also helped them understand where Mammy was when she wasn’t home.”

Ellie, now seven, was diagnosed in November 2024. By day 79 of her 10-month first stage of treatment, her cancer was eradicated. She’s on maintenance treatment until December 2026. Ruth says Hand in Hand-supported play therapy helped Ava, who was “struggling with big feelings and unknowns”, and also helped Chloe “offload all her upset and get redirected to move forward”.

Both parents want to limit their children’s trauma by giving them space to express how they feel. Ruth finds that her children’s play therapy sessions ease her emotional pressure. 

“It’s building a lot of resilience, because sometimes I’m too exhausted to take on their emotion as well.”

Once Hand in Hand commits to a family, they will support them right through to the end of treatment. With 200 children diagnosed with cancer in Ireland annually, O’Connor says: “Our vision is that every single family in Ireland has access to practical and emotional support when facing a childhood cancer diagnosis.”

• Last year, the charity spent €310,000 on all services. Hand in Hand receives no statutory funding and depends on fundraising campaigns and corporate donations. To donate and for more information, visit handinhandcharity.ie.