Joanna Fortune: My ten-year-old daughter cries during homework

Given she feels drained after school, I suggest structuring homework around her needs

I’m not sure what to do about my 10-year-old who hates school. She comes home most days in poor form and cries during homework, saying she is too tired. I’ve spoken to the school principal, who says to give it time as she is still settling into her new class, but the truth is she has never enjoyed school except for the days when they do art. She has no difficulty making friends. The ‘boring lessons’ and sitting down all day upset her most.

It sounds like your daughter has to work extra hard in school, much like anyone would when they have to make an extra effort to sustain something they find challenging or not enjoyable.

Given she feels drained after school, I suggest structuring homework around her needs:

• Ensure she gets a break when she gets home — have a snack and drink ready to help recharge her energy levels. Encourage her to draw or colour while she snacks;
• Get a large 10- or 15-minute sand timer and tell her that she has to sit and do homework for one turn before she gets another turn to play outside (for a movement break). Follow up with another turn of the timer doing homework, and she is done. Twenty to 30 minutes is more than enough time to spend on homework at her age;
• During the 10-15-minute break in the middle of homework, encourage her to move. Try a wobbleboard, trampoline, or skipping rope, for example. She could also try sitting on a large exercise ball instead of a chair while doing her homework to see if the additional movement enables her to stay on task longer.

Using a visual aid such as the sand timer allows her to see the time passing as she works. She can also structure the tasks she is working on to sync with the timer. It’s more effective than setting an alarm, which can take you by surprise when it rings.

It seems she has strong creative tendencies and enjoys movement and creative expression — a great skill set. However, school doesn’t always lend itself to this learning style. It’s encouraging that the primary school curriculum is moving towards play-based learning.

I wonder if you could take the principal’s suggestion and wait another week or so for the natural adjustment period and request a meeting with her teacher.

At this meeting, you could talk about your daughter’s strengths and the areas of structured learning that she finds challenging or do not align with her preferred learning style.

By increasing awareness of your daughter’s needs, the teacher might include additional movement breaks and opportunities for outdoor lessons or assign art or crafts as part of the homework.

When combined, these changes could enhance her motivation and enjoyment in learning.

This isn’t a problem you can ‘fix’ because school is school. But if you can empathise with your daughter’s feelings and how difficult it is (without minimising the issue) and gently say how proud you are of her hard work at something that isn’t easy for her, things may get a little easier.

If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]