Joanna Fortune: My 16 year old wants to get a tattoo, how can I get him to delay it?

Getting a tattoo can be seen as a form of self-expression, creativity, and even a way of forming an independent identity

My 16-year-old son is obsessed with getting a tattoo. I've told him I don't think it's a good idea as he may not like it in ten years. But being a teenager he couldn't care less about the adult version of himself.  How can I get him to delay his decision until he's more mature?  

There is no legislation governing body piercing or tattooing in Ireland, which means there is no legal minimum age. However, most studios require parental consent for those under 16 years old.

Your son is sharing his curiosity and interest in creative expression with you, and I would encourage you to find other ways to respond to him to maintain open communication.

Getting a tattoo can be seen as a form of self-expression, creativity, and even a way of forming an independent identity. 

Respond with curiosity and interest:

Ask him what design he has in mind and to tell you the story of what it means to him. If he is causal or vague, mention the tattoo's permanence and that his first tattoo should be something he really wants so that he doesn’t regret it later.

Dr Joanna Fortune: "Tattoos are not viewed the way they once were. These days, a tattoo is considered an artistic expression and is socially acceptable, unlike a generation ago when they still held associations with rebellion or defiance. Equally, a tattoo is unlikely to raise an eyebrow in a job interview in contemporary society." Pictured: 

Ask him where he is thinking of placing the tattoo, and, depending on his answer, wonder if somewhere that can be covered by clothing (if at a formal event or future job interview, for example) might be worth considering.

By approaching his tattoo with curiosity, you help to keep the doors of communication open. You are showing interest and ensuring he is more likely to think the decision through with you rather than go and get it done just to show you he could. 

Your questions about the design and where it should go will help slow down his thinking and bring more reflection and consideration into the decision-making process for him, too. The most regretted tattoos are done impulsively, so the more discussion and reflection, the better.

If he is still highly motivated to get this done and perhaps his design and story are significant to him, suggest he go to a studio  (perhaps with you) and discuss the design with a tattoo artist who can help him to think this further through and be certain he wants it.

Tattoos are not viewed the way they once were. These days, a tattoo is considered an artistic expression and is socially acceptable, unlike a generation ago when they still held associations with rebellion or defiance. Equally, a tattoo is unlikely to raise an eyebrow in a job interview in contemporary society. 

I say this to reassure you, but I understand that at 16 years old, he is still young and may regret such a decision. 

Instead of a door-slammer response such as 'because I said so', consider suggesting that he get the tattoo drawn up and get it printed into a t-shirt to wear and then wait a year, and if he still really wants it — you will revisit it with him. You could also suggest he get a temporary tattoo designed and try it out for a while before deciding to go ahead with it.

Let him know you are glad that he came to you to talk this through and respond in a way that ensures he is likely to keep doing this.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]