Joanna Fortune: My four-year-old is anxious about starting school 

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My four-year-old son is starting school in September. He’s a quiet, anxious child who finds it difficult to mix with children his age. He’s not at all sporty, which doesn’t help. Can I prepare him for what lies ahead?

We naturally worry about our children when facing a new challenge in their development. Starting primary school is a significant transition, but keep in mind that your son is part of a group of children all making that transition together.

That is not to say they will all experience it in the same way - they certainly won’t - but the adults around him in the school (teacher, SNA, classroom assistant, principal) are highly experienced and skilled in supporting children through this transition.

I would inform the staff that your son is prone to anxiety and can struggle to make new friends so they know he may need a little extra support initially.

I wouldn’t be concerned about him not being sporty as there are many activities he could be interested in, which would put him in contact with like-minded children with whom he has a shared interest. Consider drama, art, or perhaps a science club after-school activity once he is settled into school.

Between now and school starting ensure you walk or drive by the new school a couple of times a week and point it out in a positive and excited voice, ‘Oh, that’s your lovely new school’, and later share it with anyone else at home that you saw his new school today.

Involve him in selecting a school bag/uniform/pencil case/lunch box so that he is a part of the process rather than being presented with all the newness on the first day.

Plan a game for the way to school each morning (at least for the first couple of weeks), such as ‘I went on a picnic and I brought…’ or ‘I spy something colours/shapes/sounds like’ or a song that you can sing each day on the way to school.

Consider developing a special handshake with four parts (take turns adding a part) that you can do together at the point of separation each morning and reunification when you come back together at the end of the day.

Draw a small red heart on his wrist and one on your wrist and touch them together each morning, saying goodbye to charge them up with each other’s love and tell him when he misses you, he can touch the love button and you will send him love and that you will do the same.

At the end of the school day, do not bombard him with questions but simply wonder what the best part of his day was and what part he wishes he could change.

Also, be sure to plan some activities for yourself for the first two weeks to meet a friend for a walk/coffee or do something nice for yourself because the first week of school is hard for us parents too.

• If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to [e-mail]