Julie Jay: My only quibble with Ted’s hair is that he is not a redhead

This week Ted is revelling in his crowning glory and rubbing salt into poor Daddy's increasingly receding hairline

HAIR has become a contentious issue in our home this week - even more so than usual. Much like that ex-boyfriend of yours who had dreadlocks and spoke of getting brainwashed by fluoride in the tap water, Ted is not a fan of hair-washing or hair-brushing - in fact, he is not a fan of anything that involves interference with his crowning glory. So territorial is he of his hair that I’m pretty sure whenever I attempt a shampooing, the neighbours consider ringing the guards - such is the level of objections coming from our en-suite.

Ted loves hair. Not just his own but other people’s. Ted has become so obsessed with his follicle growth that he is announcing his father’s depleting hair volume to strangers on the street.