Colman Noctor: Children's violence towards parents is not acceptable

While we need to understand teenagers’ struggles and the stress they are under, that does not mean that all acting-out behaviours must be tolerated

While we might be all too aware of the risks adults pose to children, we are far less likely to consider the reverse where the perpetrator is the child. Picture: iStock 

One of the most concerning findings in the recent Parentline audit was the increase in reports of physical violence or aggression directed at parents by their children. Around two in every five calls Parentline received referred to “an element” of child-to-parent violence. Parentline CEO Aileen Hickie said while the violence does not always involve physical abuse, it can leave parents with injuries such as black eyes or bruising and is deeply distressing for the parents involved.

While we might be all too aware of the risks adults pose to children, we are far less likely to consider the reverse where the perpetrator is the child. In my 25 years of working with families, violence perpetrated by teenagers against their parents has become more common. There are no clear reasons why this is happening, but some commentators point to the changing nature of the parent/ child relationship as a factor. They are referring to the belief that children and young people ‘get things too easy’ and have too much say’ in their lives and choices. People who express such views often lament the move away from ‘parenting through fear’. While undoubtedly a common approach adopted in the past and it may have meant that child-to-parent violence was rare, the voiceless nature of childhood came at a cost. Some might argue that the dial has flipped too far in the other direction and the over-correction means children have no fear of their parents nowadays, resulting in a lack of respect for adults. While the ‘wait until your father gets home’ culture of parenting from the ’80s and ’90s is no longer acceptable and there is now an emphasis on parents being more approachable and friendlier, this is not why we’re seeing an increase in child-to-parent aggression and violence.