Journey’s end: New mums should prepare for the fourth trimester

Dietitian Aoife Hearne is readying to give birth to her third and final child in five weeks. She discusses the journey of being a mum and what she’ll miss as they grow.

Aoife Hearn

REGISTERED DIETICIAN

TODAY marks the last instalment of my eight-week column — where has the time gone? It also marks five weeks until I give birth — for the last time.

I could never have imagined with my first baby that I would have a feeling of contentment knowing I would never be pregnant again.

My friends had told me “you just know” when you are finished adding to your family. I finally get it.

One thing that nobody mentioned to me before I had kids was the fourth trimester — and what to expect from it.

The fourth trimester starts the moment your baby is born and lasts until s/he is about three months old.

This is a period of massive transition for your baby, who has lived all of its life up until birth in your safe, consistent and cosy womb and has now made this transition into a bright, new, and noisy world.

Some master this transition with relative ease, while others take a little longer to adapt.

But understanding what a huge transition this is and being more empathetic to your baby will likely make it easier.

Your baby will need to develop in many ways over the first 12 weeks of life, needing to get used to the variety of noises, smells, lights, and sensations of this new world.

A baby also continues to develop their sense of sight, hearing, feeling, and neural pathways. Along with all of this, you are learning too — you are getting to know this new little person in your life and figuring out who you are now that you are a mother.

Just like babies, some make this transition better than others. In some ways, I feel I made this transition relatively well, especially on maternity leave.

The really difficult time for me was when I was making the transition back to work. Before I had my first son, I was very focused on work.

After I had him, work was the last thing on my mind. Getting to know this new me was definitely a slow process.

I’m from an era where I have heard time and time again not to hold your baby too much or you will create ’a rod for your own back’ or you don’t want to ‘spoil’ that baby. So let’s get a few things straight.

Your baby wants to be in your arms, craving the security of feeling close to you as they have done for their entire life in your womb.

And while for many of us, the big purchase pre-baby is a travel system, it is definitely worthwhile investing in a sling/wrap to keep baby close. The beauty of the sling is that not only is baby happy and content, but you also have your two hands free.

There is no doubt that having a new baby can be overwhelming. It is normal to have concerns. Is my baby sleeping enough? Is my baby eating enough? Am I doing things right?

These concerns are not helped by often well-meaning comments from friends/family/people you may meet while out and about. If I got €1 for every time someone asked me if my baby is ‘good’ I would be a millionaire by now! I just don’t get it — is there such thing as a ‘bad’ baby?

The research in this area is clear, babies should feed regularly throughout the day — generally something between eight and 10 times in a 24-hour period.

This means anything from two to four feeds at night.

The idea of the baby that sleeps from early in life is a complete myth and something that is sold to us by big business when we are at our most vulnerable. A newborn’s stomach is only 7ml, so small frequent feeds are what will satisfy your baby best.

Breastmilk is gentle on the tummy and easily digested which is why it may feel that your baby is feeding a lot in the early days.

But again, let me reassure you that frequent feeding and waking at night in the early days and weeks is normal and healthy behaviour for a young baby. And, it does pass.

Research conducted at Swansea University Child and Public Health department discovered that 85% of new mums (babies 0-12 months) feel they have no set pattern — with baby feeding and sleeping differently depending on the day.

So trust me, all the other mothers don’t have it all figured out either!

As I look to the future, I look forward to meeting my new bundle of joy and getting to know them. I am happy that this is the last pregnancy, but the one thing I struggle with is that this will also be the last breastfeeding journey for me.

I never expected pre-babies that I would love breastfeeding so much and each time when I stopped it was an emotional rollercoaster.

No one talks about the sense of loss you feel and I expect this time around to be particularly difficult as I know it’s the very last time.

But I guess that is part of the gig. Everything is just a phase — the good and the challenging.

For those of you who are pregnant (especially first timers), my advice is to go easy on yourself.

Don’t expect too much from yourself as you get to know this new version of ‘you’ and also this new little person.

Don’t be afraid to ask for support for those closest to you.

If you are breastfeeding, remember you are nourishing and growing a whole new person, so you deserve to be looked after too.

And most importantly trust yourself and your baby and enjoy every second, it passes by way too fast.