The consent conversation: How to avoid grey areas in the modern dating scene

Students’ unions are organising consent workshops for freshers to promote safe and mutually enjoyable sexual experiences

Sarah Monaghan says ‘it’s alarming that regressive and unhelpful narrative around masculinity, sex, and power are gaining ground’.

FRESHERS starting in college campuses across the country this month will attend all sorts of orientation events, one of which is likely to be a workshop advising them on how to behave with prospective sexual partners.

These sexual consent workshops weren’t a staple offering when I was a fresher in the 1990s. The closest we came to communicating about consent was through traffic light discos, where we wore green if we were single and ready to mingle, orange if we were undecided, and red if we had no interest in romance.

These days, the consent conversation is much more nuanced and consent workshops aim to make sexual encounters easier, safer, and more enjoyable.

Emma Monahan, vice president for welfare at the Union of Students in Ireland.

Emma Monahan is the vice president for welfare at the Union of Students in Ireland (USI). It hasn’t been long since she attended one of the workshops herself.

“I went to DCU [Dublin City University], where everyone had to attend a consent workshop as part of their introduction to college,” says the 24-year-old.

“It covered topics you might consider if you were entering into a sexual relationship. Things like how to tell if someone is into you and how drugs and alcohol can make that a little murky.

“The idea behind it was to get you thinking of how to express and interpret consent in ways that were respectful and safe.”

Through the USI, Monahan now encourages students’ unions at third-level institutions nationwide to continue the work they have been doing to lead the cultural conversation about consent through on-campus information campaigns and workshops.

“Students’ Unions do this do this in lots of different ways,” she says. “During Freshers’ Week at the start of term, they organise consent workshops and campaigns on topics like sexual health resources and anti-spiking lids for drinks.

“Later in the year, during Sexual Health and Guidance (SHAG) Weeks, which focus on healthy relationships and safe sex, they reinforce the message once again. No means no, and ‘I don’t know’ isn’t a yes. Also, if it’s not a strong yes, it should be taken as a no.”

Laura McNally, the vice president of welfare of the Students’ Union at MTU Kerry

At the Munster Technological University campus in Kerry, the vice president of welfare of the Students’ Union Laura McNally is busy organising Wellbeing Week, which will run from September 29 to October 3. A workshop on how to ask for and give consent will form part of the week’s offerings.

“It will be open to everyone, but it’s optional,” says McNally. “We will also run SHAG Week in February 2026, reminding people of the dos and don’ts of consent and safe sex. And our Positive Mind and Body Week, which will also take place in semester two, will reiterate the importance of sexual consent.”

Paddy Marnane, Students’ Union welfare and equality officer at the University of Galway, says this year’s freshers will have a mandatory talk on consent.

“I attended it myself as a first-year student,” he says. “It taught me the basics of what consent is, how to ask for it, and how to understand how it’s given.”

He believes it’s an essential component of the orientation programme for new students.

“Because it’s mandatory, it means that everyone has the opportunity to learn about consent and the university gets to stress how vital it is,” he says. “It’s a life skill we all need to navigate our romantic and sexual relationships safely.”

Confusion over consent

Professor Pádraig MacNeela is the co-lead of the Active Consent programme at the University of Galway, which conducts research into young people’s attitudes towards consent and develops training resources based on its findings.

He says there is a certain amount of confusion about what consent means. “Over the years, our surveys have shown an increase in the number of people who report feeling confident that they know what consent is. But when we pose questions such as what happens when people have a lot to drink, we realise their knowledge is only surface level. That’s why it’s so important that workshops like ours allow people to talk more about consent.”

The active consent team designs most of the workshops delivered in Irish colleges.

“They designed around stories that prompt people to ask questions,” says MacNeela. “Is a smile enough to convey consent? How much alcohol is too much? If you’ve consented to something earlier, does that mean you continue to consent later on?”

Students are taught the anagram ‘OMFG’ to help them understand consent and answer these questions.

O is for ongoing. Consent isn’t just given once and never referred to again. It’s reiterated through constant verbal interactions and body language such as smiles, eye contact, and sounds.

M is for mutual. Everyone in the sexual encounter must be an enthusiastic participant.

“And FG means freely given,” says MacNeela. “Coercion means there’s no consent.”

Active consent workshops also cover the legal implications of consent. MacNeela points out that consent is required by law and that “sexual harassment, assault, and violence are crimes and people must remember they have legal responsibilities to look after one another in this regard”.

The Me Too movement and people’s refusal to accept the shame and subsequent silence that was once associated with being the victim of sexual crimes have had a role to play in making consent such a hot topic on college campuses, according to Monahan.

“A lot has changed since my parents were raised in an Ireland where marital rape was legal,” she says. “The conversations that surround young people today mean that they are brought up to take ownership of their bodies and to recognise the rights and wrongs of sexual encounters.”

Sarah Monaghan manager of We Consent, a national programme to inform, educate and engage with society about consent run by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre

Unhelpful narratives

However, not everyone is an advocate for consent. Research published by the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre (DRCC) in August found that 43% of men under the age of 45 believed that ‘sometimes people say no when they want convincing’. Worryingly, that figure had risen by 8% since 2024.

Sarah Monaghan, the manager of We Consent — a national programme to inform, educate, and engage with society about consent run by the DRCC — says that “it’s alarming to think that regressive and unhelpful narratives around masculinity, sex, and power are not only persisting but may be gaining ground”.

She says these narratives stem from decades of cultural messaging portraying men as “pursuers who have to win over reluctant partners... So it’s not surprising that it’s going to take time and effort to replace this notion of gaining consent through pestering and persistence with the idea of consent as a form of mutual respect.”

Other factors prevent people from seeking or expressing consent.

“A lot of Irish people lack the self-confidence to freely and assertively say what they want or don’t want,” says MacNeela. “That shyness or awkwardness can cause problems.”

The overconsumption of drugs or alcohol can compromise people’s decision-making skills. MacNeela is adamant that “an inebriated person isn’t technically capable of giving consent”.

Social media platforms play a role in promoting non-consensual interactions.

“A DCU study published last year found that boys only had to spend 23 minutes on YouTube or TikTok before they were fed harmful misogynistic content from people like Andrew Tate,” says Monahan.

Surprisingly, she takes heart from this depressing statistic: “If boys are capable of absorbing messages from people like Tate, they are also capable of understanding messages about consent. We just have to reach them.”

Monaghan would like to see us doing so from a younger age: “Why wait until third level when there are age-appropriate ways of starting the conversation earlier. We can introduce fundamentals such as boundaries and personal space when children are small. Things like telling them they should ask before they hug their friend teach them that everyone has the right to their own body.

“Regular conversations like this allow the fundamentals of consent to become second nature. They can be followed up with more formal sexual consent training at secondary school, third level and beyond.”

MacNeela would also like to see discussions about consent spread beyond third-level campuses. “Not everyone goes to university and nobody should be left out of these conversations,” he says.

Top tips to avoid grey areas

How can you ensure that all of your sexual encounters are entirely and enthusiastically consensual? Our experts share their top tips on how to avoid grey areas in the modern dating scene.

1. Beware of alcohol

According to MacNeela, alcohol undermines the decision-making process: “A yes in that scenario isn’t actually consent. Acting on it is a bad idea. If the person you want to have sex with is incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, it’s better to wait until they are sober to be sure their consent is genuine.”

2. Consent should be ongoing

“It’s about checking in regularly, says Monaghan. “But that doesn’t mean sitting down to a formal conversation every 10 minutes.

“We all have different ways of checking in. We might ask if something is alright. We might smile and nod. But whatever we do, we should make sure we are prioritising the safety and enjoyment of the other person as well as our own.”

3. If in doubt, slow down

“Take a breath and take a minute to check in,” says Monaghan. “The impact of getting it wrong is just too serious. Persisting against someone’s consent can have a life-long effect on them.”

4. Sex is a two-way encounter

“If you feel like it’s awkward and not going as smoothly as you think, don’t try to force it”, says McNally.“This isn’t just about you. There are two of you involved, and you should both be into it.”

5. No means no

“They aren’t playing games,” says McNally.

“They don’t want to be enticed into saying yes. They mean no, and you need to hear them.”

6. Pay attention

“If it’s not a strong yes, then it’s not a yes,” says Monahan. “We should aim for enthusiastic consent in all our sexual encounters.”

• For more information, check out www.we-consent.ie