I embraced my natural grey hair and it was the confidence boost I needed

My first silver hair appeared in my 20s. I battled the inevitable for decades before finally letting nature take its course

Deirdre McArdle, 49, has let her hair go grey and says she ‘has taken back control’. Picture: Chani Anderson

I found my first grey hair in my early 20s. “No big deal. It’s just one grey hair,” I thought. It wasn’t until a few years later, during wedding prep at my local hairdresser’s, that I realised the full extent of it.

“We’ll keep on top of your colour,” the hairdresser said. “Make sure we have no peeks of grey coming through on the big day. Your mom is snow white, and your dad is pure grey. You never stood a chance.”

So began my relationship with my grey hair. I tried to keep it at bay for 20 years.

I flitted between dyeing my hair at home and getting it done professionally. As the grey became more dominant, it reappeared within a week of my colour being done.

I thought about letting nature take its course, of embracing my grey. Hours of scrolling through Pinterest helped me see that grey hair could be cool, funky and youthful. I sat with the idea for a few months. I wasn’t going to rush this.

There are three reasons women let their hair go grey, says Pamela Morrissey, owner of Cork salon Sobe Brown. “They want its convenience and freedom. They like the look of grey hair and think, with a sophisticated cut, it would suit them. Or, they just let themselves go grey for the sake of it.”

Whatever the reason, it has to have purpose for it to stick, Morrissey says. “You need to own the grey hair and not let it own you.”

Deirdre McArdle: I tried to keep my grey hair at bay for 20 years. Picture: Chani Anderson

During the pandemic, many women embraced their grey when hairdressers were closed. But a couple of years later, most of those same women have started dyeing their hair again. “In the salon, of every 10 women who embraced their grey hair during the pandemic, only two are still grey. They all initially enjoyed the freedom of it, but now it’s a different story,” says Morrissey.

This tallies with the blogs I’d read about embracing your grey hair — you have to want to do it. I was ready. Once I’d decided to embrace it, I needed a plan. This wouldn’t happen quickly (it can take up to two years). After some research, I came across the ‘strip-dye’ method: You go grey by stealth.

I thought this approach would get me through those early months without looking like I’d forgotten to dye my hair or had a badger sitting on my head. It involves dyeing a two-inch strip of hair at your parting (an inch on either side) and letting that dyed strip hide the emerging grey roots.

This worked for three months. By then, the grey had grown about an inch and had started peeping out underneath the dyed strip. A stray gust of wind, and I was exposed. I persevered for another month, but then had another decision to make. At that point, the grey was about an inch and a half and looked more intentional. I decided to brave it. I flipped my parting to the other side, which meant the grey I’d been hiding was now in plain sight.

It felt great, liberating even. I felt like a new woman. I like how the grey lightens my complexion and makes my eyes look brighter. And, contrary to my initial belief, it’s not ageing.

But grey hair isn’t entirely maintenance-free, Morrissey points out. It can look ageing if it’s not properly cared for. Because grey hair is so porous, it sucks up anything in the environment. Over time, this can make it look brassy and dull. Special shampoos can help to revive the natural grey tones, or a small amount of baking soda added to your regular shampoo once a month can enhance the vibrancy.

You need to make sure you keep on top of the cut, too. “Get it trimmed regularly to avoid those flimsy ends. You’ll also need to oil your hair frequently, so the hair doesn’t get coarse,” she says.

Deirdre McArdle: I like how the grey lightens my complexion and makes my eyes look brighter. Picture: Chani Anderson

These are all easy maintenance tips to keep your grey hair looking bright and in good condition. They are also significantly less costly than trying to maintain a colour. I was spending over €120 on my hair every four to six weeks, not to mention the two hours it took each time, time I could ill afford as a working mom with a young child.

“Done right, grey hair looks very striking,” Morrissey says. “The good thing is that you’re a blank canvas with newly grey hair. You can experiment with clothes and make-up to create a new look to match your hair, have fun with it.”

A year later, I’m almost ‘grey’, though the colour is even and is more silver. I could have cut the dark ends, but, for now, I’m enjoying the two-tone look.

My family loves the new look. My husband says it suits me and my daughter says it makes me look like a superhero — I’ll take that. And I’ve inspired at least one friend to embrace her grey hair.

More recently, strangers have approached me with compliments and questions — they generally comment on how freeing it must be, not to be a slave to the hair dye.

Now that the grey is almost complete, I’m noticing that brighter, warmer colours make the colour pop. I’ve had to change my foundation, too, using a slightly darker shade, so that my complexion doesn’t look faded.

To counteract any impression the grey hair gives that I’m older than my 49 years, I’m experimenting with my wardrobe and accessories, including adding large, funky earrings.

But the real revelation is how good it’s making me feel. It’s strangely empowering.

After decades of feeling at the mercy of my grey hair, I’ve taken back control. I have a certain confidence that I never had before. I’m only sorry I wasn’t brave enough to make the decision earlier.