Workplace Wellbeing: How to get on with your colleagues and have a good work relationship

Good relationships with colleagues help us to perform better at work and improves wellbeing 

Pic: iStock

MANY of us spend more time with work colleagues than with family or friends. Joan in accounts and Paul in IT can impact our daily lives and it pays to invest in our relationships with them.

Good working relationships help us to perform better. A 2018 US study found that they increase productivity and job satisfaction.

They help us to feel better, too. “I see relationships as the scaffolding for life,” says chartered work and organisational psychologist Leisha McGrath. “When they are positive and supportive, they hold us up and we have an all-round better experience of life as a result.”

A 2011 Israeli study showed that they even influence our health. It followed 820 adults over 20 years and found that the factor most closely linked to health was co-worker support. Mortality was 2.4 times higher for those who had little to no peer social support in the workplace.

So, how do we build positive relationships with our colleagues? You don’t embark on a mission to turn everyone in the office into your new best friend, says Sinéad Brady, a career and counselling psychologist and author. “Having good working relationships doesn’t mean being friends with everyone,” she says. “It means establishing a psychologically safe space in which people are open and transparent, and where you and those around you trust that you can speak and be heard, and respected, when you do so.”

Nor does it mean that you get along with everyone. “It’s fine for people to have different views and ways of doing things,” says Ms Brady. “In fact, it’s good to have that diversity of opinion and it can work well, as long as everyone respects each other and each other’s views.”

Leisha McGrath

Share, but appropriately

Building professional relationships and trust takes time. According to leadership specialist and coaching psychologist Síle Walsh, it starts when you first meet a colleague, when it’s important for you to be friendly and to ask questions, but discreetly.

“There’s no hard-and-fast rule, because it depends on your role in the workplace, the industry itself, and the different personalities involved,” Ms Walsh says. “Asking one person about their personal life could be interpreted in a positive way, while another person might consider it nosy. Follow the lead of those around you, if possible. If a colleague asks you about your home life, that’s probably a signal that you can ask them about theirs. Their response will tell you what their boundaries are.”

Ms McGrath suggests sticking to safe conversation starters with a colleague you don’t know well. “Ask them where they trained or studied or what jobs they have had previously,” she says. “A general question, like ‘How was your weekend?’ is also great for small talk. If people mention family members, partners or pets, or a show they’ve watched or a book they’ve read recently, feel free to follow up with more questions, but remember that a lot of people don’t like to share too much, so read the signs and be ready to back off.”

Be mindful about sharing too much personal information. “Prof Brené Brown, who is known for her research on shame, vulnerability and leadership, coined the term ‘vulnerability hangover’ to describe how we feel when we overshared and didn’t mean to,” says Ms Walsh.

“It can easily happen in a workplace, because we spend so much time together that we may assume a level of intimacy that may be inappropriate. Before sharing something personal, ask yourself if it is appropriate for the workplace, if it will affect your career, and if you will mind if it’s shared with others.”

Instead of getting all deep and meaningful, simple manners will go a long way towards winning respect in the office. “Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, being courteous and polite, leaving a shared kitchen space in the way you’d like to find it: this is all part of treating people fairly,” says Ms McGrath.

“It’s important in giving a good account of yourself and making a positive impression on people.”

Síle Walsh

Be reliable

Doing your job well will also win you brownie points. “It plays a huge role in building positive relationships at work, as it allows those around you to know they can rely on you and trust you,” says Ms Walsh. “They know you will do what you say, and you will give them adequate notice if you cannot.”

“Whether it’s turning up on time, showing respect and consideration for the work of others, or delivering our own work on time, it’s so important to bear in mind how your cog in the wheel affects others,” says Ms McGrath.

Teamwork means everyone “pulling their weight and helping and supporting everyone else to reach your shared goal”, says Ms Brady.

Sharing the latest juicy office gossip or complaining about mutual colleagues can be part of some work cultures. While such exchanges may seem like bonding, they can be detrimental.

“You might feel that by participating, you’re fitting in,” says Ms Brady. “But sometimes fitting in isn’t the right thing to do. If you’re speaking negatively about colleagues, you’re undermining the trust and psychological safety of your workplace.

“I would stay a country mile away from that sort of office drama,” says Ms McGrath. “Gossip is my idea of an anti-relationship tool. If you talk about people behind their backs, how can you expect people to trust you? How can you build any kind of credibility?

“If you’re in a room where these kinds of conversations are happening, step out or say you don’t feel comfortable talking about such things. People respect you in the long run for refusing to engage in those kinds of conversations.”

Sinead Brady. Pic: Sonja Smith Photography

Listen to colleagues

Building strong working relationships can be challenging when working from home, so that many people opt for blended working.

“Having those in-person meetings allows you to cement relationships much more quickly, especially if you are new to an organisation,” says Ms McGrath.

However, it is possible for remote workers to feel connected to their colleagues.

“The skills of relating are no different, it’s just that you’re using a different medium,” says Ms Walsh.

“Listen to people to show them that you value what they have to say. Share something that matters to you with other people, so that they feel trusted.

“And give some time to the relationship and not just to the task you want the person to do.

“If you don’t spend time nurturing the relationship, it can begin to feel transactional.”

Maintaining positive professional relationships can contribute to our overall wellbeing in the workplace.

“We spend up to a third of our week with co-workers,” she says.

“Like family, we don’t always get to choose our colleagues, but we need to be able to get along with them, at least to the extent that it supports us in our work and contributes to a positive working environment,” Ms Walsh says.