Sex File: My husband refuses to put the heating on and the cold bedroom is ruining sex for us

Sexual variety is about feeling relaxed - and physically comfortable enough - to explore each other's bodies. Picture: iStock

Our sex life is becoming really boring because my husband refuses to put the heating on. It means we're just hiding under the duvet because the room is so cold at night. It was quite cosy and fun at first, but it doesn't do much for variety.

It's only just November and most people are still wearing sweaters, so if your bedroom is already glacial I can't imagine what you are going to do when deep winter actually arrives. Fuel crisis or not, I would argue that you have a right to challenge your husband's decision to keep the heating off 24/7. You don't need to heat your bedroom all day long, but you could surely have the heating on for a bit before you go to bed.

Even a bit of warmth will improve your sex life as it instantly gives you more options. Sexual variety is about feeling relaxed - and physically comfortable enough - to explore each other's bodies. By physically comfortable I mean in nice sheets, with good lighting and a decent bed. And sexual variety means you vary your routes to arousal, not just in the missionary position under the duvet as it's the only place you're not shivering. 

None of that leisurely exploration is possible if you are immobilised by cold, which also places physiological stress on the body. A drop in temperature concentrates blood flow to your core to protect the main organs. And as we all know, cold limits blood flow to the penis - which is not helpful in your case.

Having said that, if you can be brave enough to take your clothes off and get started, having sex should warm you up. Physical exertion of any kind increases your heart rate, gets your blood flowing and raises your body temperature, so it's a good way to keep warm in the bedroom - if you move around enough, that is. 

Research from Harvard University that monitored the cardiovascular impact of walking on a treadmill and compared it to the changes in heart rate and blood pressure that men and women experience while having sex found that on an intensity scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest, walking on a treadmill was estimated to be 4.6 whereas sex came in at just 2.7.

Cutting back on heating bills will mean most people will be colder this winter, but instead of letting it get you down, why not put a hot water bottle in the bed for an hour before you get in? Granted, it's not an immediately sexy vision, but one study did find that there is a good reason why we should start wearing socks in bed.

In a study conducted at the University of Groningen, 80% of people who wore socks during sex were able to achieve orgasm compared with just 50% who didn't. The researchers are not quite sure why this happened, and nor am I. It may be as simple as the fact that wearing socks improves circulation, which assists orgasm, but brain scans of the participants also showed a reduction in stress and anxiety in the sock wearers. 

That ties in very nicely with the Danish concept of hygge, which means cosiness, comfort and contentment. Maybe we'll all be having hygge sex this winter.

• Send your questions to [e-mail]