Long live the love letter: how to write the perfect note
S.W.A.L.K: Standout from the crowd by sending someone you love a handwritten letter this Valentine's Day. Picture: iStock
'Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, I can live only wholly with you or not at all. Be calm my life, my all. Oh continue to love me, never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours,' wrote Ludwig van Beethoven to his love around 1812.
Ever since Beethoven’s famous letter-writing was featured in the 2008 movie, the maestro has become known nearly as much for his swooning romantic words as his legendary melodies. Carrie Bradshaw’s fictional book of , in which she quoted one of Beethoven’s letters sent fans into a frenzy as love letters started to become mainstream again.
Research shows that writing to someone we love and expressing gratitude can help release dopamine to the brain, making us feel happier. Receiving a love letter can also help reaffirm commitment to the relationship.
"When we write a letter, we have a sense of being in company, even if we are secluded. When we receive a letter, the feeling that we are not forgotten is prominent as well," writes Dr Aaron Ben-Zeév in .
It looks like love letters are here to stay. In 2016 Will Darbyshire published a collection of modern love letters written by the public in his book and he was floored by the number of entries his callout for the notes received.
The success of Modern Love column and podcast similarly show that the tradition of taking pen to paper, or these days fingers to keyboards, in the name of love isn’t yet a dying art form.
During the World Wars, sending letters home was free and partners would often leave a page blank so their loved ones could respond to them from the trenches. Nearly every soldier used the opportunity to escape in the words of a letter, regardless of literacy skill, with historians estimating that over 2bn letters were exchanged by soldiers and their families over the course of World War I.
For wartime couples, the epistolary relationship was vital for keeping relationships alive and providing the men in the trenches “spaces in which they could present themselves to their families not only as soldiers... but also as domestic men” writes Martha Hanna, who has researched letter-writing between wartime couples extensively.
For her book, Your Death Would Be Mine, Hanna studied thousands of letters between two married French peasants, Marie and Paul Pireaud, who were separated by WWI.
The Pireaud’s exchanges show how important the letters were for boosting morale and allowing soldiers to express emotions that had rarely been openly explored in their societies.
“I see that you are completely despondent that you don’t have much hope. I beg you, take heart, don’t despair, even if you should be wounded by this ordeal you will get better and we will be happy in any event,” Marie wrote in one letter.
In another, Paul begged his wife to write to him. “You will certainly make me cry to read your letters because I see the other guys crying when they receive letters from home.”
By World War II, soldiers were even labelling their letters with the acronym S.W.A.L.K, for 'sealed with a loving kiss'.
The art of such letter-writing has seen a revival over the past year as more and more amateur writers took to the post box to let loved ones know they were thinking of them during the pandemic.
Anna McHugh, director of corporate communications for An Postsays that though letter mail has been in steep decline in Ireland over the past 15 years, the number of people sending personal mail shot up in 2020.
“Ireland would have been a little slower than other countries in its decline. Certainly, Ireland has always had a great love of personal mail. Possibly because of emigration but also because we’re a literary nation and love the written word. We always had a great tradition of writing, but there is no doubt that Ireland embraced cards and letters more this year,” McHugh says.
“Even teenagers and younger people, who wouldn't have had any relationship with letter writing before, were actually writing to each other and sending each other cards and various things. People are certainly trying to stay connected more than ever.”
McHugh says that though it’s hard to estimate an exact figure of how many personal letters were sent in Ireland last year, An Post is aware of the rise due to a strong increase in Irish stamp sales, particularly around Christmas.
Over the course of the pandemic, the service has helped to connect people by delivering over five million postcards for people to free-post to loved ones last March. The initiative was so successful they decided to send out another five million blank postcards last month, which you’ve probably seen come through your letterbox.
With a free postcard lying around the house, this Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to practise your own penmanship and send a letter to a loved one somewhere in the country.
“It’s all about sending love. If ever there was a time if you wanted to make an impact in the virtual world of dating, or for people who have found love and want to make their intentions very clear, never was there a time when a letter could be more powerful than now,” McHugh says.
“If you really want to stand out or make an impression on anybody send a letter. People get far fewer letters nowadays and most of them are related to bills, it’s a really good opportunity to stand out.
“Certainly in the world of love and romance and even friendship, a letter is very powerful and they mean a whole lot more to people at the moment. That somebody has taken the time to write something and post it and the fact that you can reread it and you have it forever. It’s invaluable.”
There’s no formula for writing the perfect love letter, but some of the world’s most famous ones are the simplest.
"The important thing is I don't want to be without you for the next 20 years, or 40, or however many there are. I've gotten very used to being happy and I love you very much indeed,” former US President Ronald Reagan wrote to his wife Nancy in 1972.
Take a cue from the Reagans, who were celebrating their wedding anniversary, and begin your letter by thinking about why you’re writing it.
Start off by switching up the usual greeting layout that most letters have. Perhaps you could write: 'To my dearest husband' or 'To the lovely (insert name)'. It will make the letter more personal and memorable.
Marriage therapist and author Anita Chipal, who spoke to about writing love letters in 2019, recommended starting off by telling your correspondent what prompted the idea to write the letter.
Perhaps it was Valentine’s Day, an upcoming anniversary, or a memory prompted by all the love and affection going on this week. Maybe write about your first Valentine’s Day together or how this week has made you go back to the night of your first date.
Quotes are always another great way to get the writing juices flowing. Maybe pick one you know they love or find inspiration from a movie or Google some famous letters.
The next port of call would be to tell your partner what you love about them and list some of the things they do that you appreciate. Think of things you’dlike to thank them for, such as being there to support you over the past year. It doesn’t need to be gushy, you could simply thank them just for taking out the bins last week.
It’s also a nice idea to talk about the future for your final paragraph. Times have been bleak lately, so we could all do with a momentary escape into memories to come. Tell them you can’t wait until you can go for dinner again or to plan your next holiday together.
Finally, don’t forget to tell them how much you love them and sign off with a similar tone to your greeting, perhaps penning 'Lots of love' or 'Forever yours' for a change.
Of course, you can always steal from the greats.
Beethoven’s “Ever ours” does have quite the musical ring to it.
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