How to commit to your New Year resolutions when you're thinking of quitting

Finding it difficult to stick to your New Year resolutions? Experts tell Sharon Ní Chonchúir it's possible to get back on track by taking a step-by-step approach

Picture: iStock 

We had such high hopes on January 1. Many of us set ourselves new year’s resolutions with ambitions to shift that Covid kilo, cut back on those nightly glasses of wine, and make our lives happier and healthier in the year ahead.

By now, many of us are struggling to stick to those resolutions and maybe even considering giving them up altogether. 'Oh well', we tell ourselves, 'we obviously do not have enough willpower to achieve our goals'.

Wrong, say the experts. Willpower is a skill we can all learn to harness to our advantage.

“Many people have already decided whether they have willpower or not and then use it as an excuse not to do things,” says Dr Claire Hayes, a clinical psychologist based in Dublin. “But the psychological definition of willpower is that it is our ability to resist short-term temptation in order to meet long-term goals. We all have that. We just need a sense of purpose about why we are using it. We need to be clear about our motivation for change.”

Operation Transformation’s clinical psychologist Dr Eddie Murphy agrees. “Willpower has to be used with SMART goals,” he says. “This means goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time oriented. For example: rather than saying that we want to lose weight, say that you want to lose three pounds a week. Having a specific rather than a generic goal is much more likely to help you succeed. You can draw on your willpower to work towards it.” 

STEP BY STEP

Every January, there is a temptation to overhaul our entire lives, giving up booze, embarking on a new exercise regimen.

But taking on multiple goals at the one time is more often than not counteractive. 

A psychological study published by the Journal of Consumer Research found people to be most effective when they focussed on one goal. Those who tried to work on a number at once were less successful at sticking to their plans.

It also pays to make a detailed plan of how you will achieve that goal. A study published in the British Journal of Health Psychology found that 91% of participants who wrote down a plan of where and when they would exercise successfully met their goals.

This involves breaking the process down into practical steps. For example, if this is the year you have decided to establish healthy eating habits, your steps might involve writing a weekly meal plan and shopping list and then exercising your willpower when you go shopping in order to resist putting crisps or chocolates in your trolley.

This sort of planning gives us a sense of control, but the opposite also applies. How can we achieve our goals if we cannot even picture the steps involved?

“This brings in the process of visualisation,” says Dr Murphy. 

Rugby players imagine themselves scoring a point before they kick the ball because they know it affects their chances.

Research shows this to be true. A 1993 Stanford University study showed that visualisation under hypnosis enabled nationally-ranked male gymnasts to execute for the first time several complex tricks that they had been working on for over a year.

Dr Murphy also believes in harnessing social support. “I run,” he says. “But I know that I wouldn’t if I didn’t have friends to run with. Having good social support helps with good outcomes.” 

Anyone who is trying to change their habits should expect it to be challenging, especially if it involves giving something up. 

“You will have cravings and in the short term, you will feel worse, not better,” says Dr Hayes. “Try to see it as a sign that you are taking control and experiencing short-term discomfort for the sake of a longer-term goal. Remember that if you give in, you will feel better immediately but then you will feel guilty. Recognising that can help you stick to your goal.” 

WRITE IT DOWN 

It can help to make a list of whatever you are trying to give up is taking away from you “I learned this from Judith Beck from the Beck Institute of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy,” says Dr Hayes. “She works with obese people who are trying to develop their willpower to resist overeating. They make a list of what giving in to cravings will deprive them of: things like breathing easily or moving effortlessly. It gives them something to draw on when their willpower is low.” 

When you succeed in resisting temptation and sticking to your goals, it is important to congratulate yourself and encourage yourself to continue. It’s just as important to take a positive approach when you have setbacks.

“We all feel disappointed when we slip up,” says Dr Hayes. “It’s vital we don’t resort to the excuse that we don’t have enough willpower. Instead, we should recognise that it is human to fail and use it as an opportunity to identify why it happened and to develop strategies so that it won’t happen next time.” 

Behaviour change doesn’t have to be all or nothing, says  Dr Hannah Durand, a post-doctoral researcher in the School of Psychology at NUI Galway. “Breaking a habit, particularly one with an addictive component, is more difficult than people think, and setbacks are part of the process. Habits are embedded in our unconscious memories, which makes it challenging to make changes. A setback doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to ultimately achieve your goal.” 

Self-criticism at this point can be detrimental to progress. A 2009 study of athletes and musicians at the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth found that it was negatively associated with motivation and subsequent success.

“So, don’t be too hard on yourself,” says Dr Durand. “Instead, focus on your success and how much you achieved before you slipped up.” 

All the experts point out that we are living through a pandemic, which will have an inevitable impact on our willpower.

“2021 is undoubtedly going to be a difficult year for keeping resolutions,” says Dr Durand. 

“Though most of us were counting down the minutes to the end of 2020, 2021 is bound to be similarly challenging. Putting pressure on ourselves to make major changes may not be particularly helpful. Even in normal times, people struggle to keep resolutions, which can lead to feelings of disappointment and stress. This pandemic is disappointing and stressful enough as it is.”

 Dr Murphy advises us to go easy on ourselves. “Make your goals realistic and build slowly,” he says. “Otherwise, in the context of where we are and what’s happening, it may make more sense to dump our new year’s resolutions. People are suffering enough of a stress response due to Covid-19. We don’t want to add to it.”

Dr Hayes thinks it all depends on our personal levels of wellbeing. “It’s a balance between being gentle with ourselves while also getting on with things,” she says.

 “For some people, last year allowed them to build new healthy habits such as exercising more or cooking at home. 2020 was not so terrible if it showed us that we were stronger and more adaptable than we thought we were. 

"Changes were forced upon us but many of us proved to ourselves that we were capable of change. That could really drive our willpower in building on those changes in 2021.” 

Strategies for success

Establishing a new habit is a challenge that requires significant willpower. However, willpower alone is not enough. The following strategies have been shown to help with using willpower effectively.

1. Set yourself one goal at a time and make sure it’s a SMART one. This means that it’s specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time oriented. By succeeding at one goal, you will bolster your willpower, which you can then free up to focus on your next goal.

2. Avoid temptation. If you are trying to cut back on chocolate, don’t have it in the house. If your aim is to reduce screen time, turn off your phone notifications.

3. Make a plan, deciding ahead of time how you are going to react to situations that may test your willpower. Judith Beck’s list of the negative impacts of giving in to cravings is one.

4. Visualise yourself having achieved the goal. Studies have shown it helps.

5. Leave visual reminders to motivate yourself. For example, if your goal is to exercise more, leave post-it notes around your house with drawings of you exercising or motivational quotes to get you into those running shoes.

6. Keep track of your progress. Recording your behaviour will make you more aware of where you are succeeding and where you are struggling, and it can act as a motivating factor in itself.

7. Reward yourself for success along the way. This could be as simple as a simple imaginary pat on the back or treating yourself to something new with all the money you have saved from not smoking cigarettes.

8. Get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation affects how the body and mind use energy, which affects our ability to exercise willpower. We all know how easy it is to reach for a bag of crisps or to call for takeaway food when we lack the energy to cook dinner.

9. Seek support from people you trust and know will be willing to help you succeed.

10. Go easy on yourself when you slip up. Try to see it as an opportunity to learn rather than as a setback. Ask yourself why you failed and what you can do to prevent yourself from doing so next time.