'Female friendship is not a perfect love story any more than a romantic relationship is'

From Sex and the City to The White Lotus, the complexities of women’s companionship has been a source of fascination for many. Vicki Notaro tells Elle Gordon how the idea of ‘the one’ in female friendships inspired her latest novel

Vicki Notaro: 'Someone who was your ‘one’ in friendship years ago, might not be your ‘one’ now'

When Vicki Notaro was a child, she used to watch Beaches starring Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey, every Saturday with her cousin Trevor at her Granny’s house.

“We had a VHS copy of it, and we would cry at the end every single time,” she says, laughing. It was this ritual that sparked an idea in Notaro. 

She explains: “You know how they talk about ‘the one’ in relationships? To me, there’s always been ‘the one’ in friendships. I wanted to write about the complications of female friendships and how difficult they can be. They’re not this perfect love story any more than a romantic relationship is, so I was heavily inspired by that movie and its two lead characters, ‘Hillary’ and ‘CC’ There are references to it throughout my latest book Long Story.”

The appeal of this genre, she says, lies in its ability to transport you to another world… an escape.

“Something I’ve learned, even in doing my podcast You Had Me at Hello, is that sometimes you just need a good whinge. And that’s what romantic comedies are for. As much as they’re there for laughs, they’re also there for sadness.”

This sentiment rings true in Notaro’s own writing and, of course, the aforementioned Long Story.

I’ve known Notaro for a long time in my professional career. I’m familiar with her writing, her affection for women and innate instinct for what makes them tick, what compels them to pick up a magazine (she was formerly editor in chief of STELLAR). This connection to women’s stories now extends to books. 

So, I ask her: What was the first book that depicted female friendship in such a real and impactful way that it influenced her writing?

“The book that’s influenced me the most in my whole career is Rachel’s Holiday by Marian Keyes. In that book, her best friend is the one who tells her she’s a drug addict. They’re kind of acting out together, but it’s Rachel who takes it too far, and her friend is the one who calls her out on this. 

“I think that was the first time I realised that friendship wasn’t just easy. It can be difficult. It has its ups and downs. Even in the sequel, 25 years after the first one, Again, Rachel, they’re still friends. It depicted how complex a friendship could be. It wasn’t just, ‘We love each other and that’s that.’ 

Vicki Notaro: 'I think it’s impossible to write a novel without some of your own life leaking into it.'

“Relationships change over time. So, someone who was your ‘one’ in friendship years ago, might not be your ‘one’ now. I think it’s important not to beat ourselves up if things don’t work out, but I love exploring how complex the ties in friendship can be.”

Speaking of complexity, does Notaro find it difficult to avoid letting her own life and the people in it bleed onto the page?

“I think it’s impossible to write a novel without some of your own life leaking into it. They say, ‘Write what you know,’ so with everything I write, it’s impossible to distance myself from it. 

“Everyone close to me always reads it before it goes to print. In fact, one of my friends named my first book Reality Check. It’s a community effort. It’s not just me. I’m pulling on strings from everyone.”

Her latest book focuses on the dynamics between two women who, despite following very different paths, have remained best friends. Notaro elaborates: “One of them is Tara, an Oscar-winning actress, and the other is Alex, a podcaster and lifestyle journalist. 

“Despite their vastly different lifestyles — living on different continents and in different personal stages — they’ve managed to maintain their friendship. But then, an incident occurs that threatens everything…” She trails off with a mysterious smile.

“For me, it was interesting to throw a spanner in their works. They feel like real people, so I thought, ‘What would be the one thing that could split them up?’ That comes in the form of a man called Sean Sweeney who will test the very core of their 20-year friendship.”

Long Story by Vicki Notaro

I want to chat further about the evolution of female friendships in popular culture. Notaro says, “I came of age at a time when friendship was really hot: Friends, Sex and the City. I thought I’d grow up and celebrate Thanksgiving with my friends in my purple apartment. The reality of that was quite different. 

“People tend to celebrate those moments with their families. But now, there’s this idea of ‘chosen family,’ which I think is powerful. I’m lucky to often combine the two. 

“Later shows like Girls depicted friendship in such a real way. You’d see them, having a big screaming fight, and then 10 minutes later, they’re outside doing a dance.”

When discussing female friendship, it’s impossible to overlook the latest season of The White Lotus. In season three, we see its nuanced portrayal of the complexities within long-standing ties. While many critics throughout the season labelled the trio’s dynamic as “toxic,” the finale reveals an unexpected depth.

Carrie Coon’s character delivers a poignant speech that highlights the stark difference between superficial friendships and the deeper connections that demand vulnerability, sacrifice, and honesty.

“Mike White is renowned for crafting polarising characters. Even in my book, Tara and Alex are each other’s person, and yet, the portrayal acknowledges that no one is perfect,” Notaro reflects. 

“Expecting perfection from someone simply because you love them is a tall order. What struck me as well, was the age of these characters. Too often, we see female friendships portrayed through the lens of women in their 20s or 30s, or in the later years, as with shows like Grace and Frankie. 

Vicki Notaro: 'I thought I’d grow up and celebrate Thanksgiving with my friends in my purple apartment. The reality of that was quite different.'

“It’s rare to see women in their 40s navigating such complex dynamics. And I love that these women are, in a sense, ‘spoiled brats’, on a glamorous vacation. It’s refreshing to see a portrayal that feels real and raw, women who are beautifully imperfect.”

Notaro herself has experienced unwavering support from the women in her life since she made the decision to write fiction, and prior to that in her career in journalism.

“I love the concept of ditching the scarcity mindset. There’s room enough for all of us at the table, as long as you have great ideas and are willing to work hard. Nobody likes a chancer,” she laughs. 

“But I’ve only ever experienced people being unbelievably kind to me, from my first magazine job, to the launch of my first book. My heroes like Marian Keyes, Patricia Scanlon, and Cathy Kelly lifted me up and supported me from the get-go. I want to do that for people who want to write fiction now, too. 

“The support has been astonishing, from these incredible Irish writers that I’ve read and admired my whole life.

“To be able to make this pivot to writing fiction really is a dream come true.”

• Long Story by Vicki Notaro, published by Sandycove, is out on May 29