Esther at the Baftas: The red carpet is boring and bizarre, but what a brilliant night

Esther N McCarthy trades elbows with some Italian journalists to get up close and personal with the Irish stars at last year's Baftas

She might have been bursting for the jacks but Esther still exuded glamour at the 76th British Academy Film Awards (Baftas) last year in London. Picture: Ian West/PA

Want to know what being on the red carpet is really like? Boring as shite, lads. It's a bizarre thing, to be literally penned into an area with a little red rope separating us scummy journalists from the shining glittery stars. They wouldn't even let us out to go the toilet. I'm not messing. I'm a small bit traumatised over it.

The whole day is exhausting. It's 7pm now and I haven't been able to go to the toilet since noon. That's taking the piss.

It starts early when you line up with a load of other press for your accreditation. I kept being sent the wrong way by surly security characters, so I started following four people with big bags and step ladders. 

They're photographers, right? Wait, what if they're like specialist low window cleaners?

I ask them if they're press and one goes "Ooh, you're Irish!! Where are you from?" Charlotte from Kilmore Quay, Co Wexford, works for Press Association and we have friends in common. She points me in the right direction. Thanks, girl!

Esther N McCarthy's new bestie Kerry Condon with her Best Supporting Actress Bafta. Picture: Ian West/PA Wire

This is my first red carpet, if you don't count that very poor choice of interiors styling for the front room in 2019. 

Lads, It's so tedious! There's so much waiting around, interspersed with a flurry of activity. When the stars come, it's like a toddler throwing glitter in your face — it's cute, but blinding, and after a while you just want it to stop. 

It's like waiting for a bus to come, but the buses are jaw-droppingly beautiful and sail past you without stopping, like the number 203 into town on from Glasheen on a Saturday night.

Jamie Lee Curtis doesn't stop to say hi, Geri Halliwell Horner floats by. Cate Blanchett blows through. Viola Davis doesn't bother looking in our direction. But I've told the PR company managing the Baftas that it's the Irish I want to talk to, and I don't like to brag, but the stars love the Irish Examiner.

I have a mic with our logo printed on it, it doesn't plug into my phone, I have to hide the wire up my sleeve, but I'm fairly confident the Irish crew will slow down for me, won't they?

Florence Pugh, Jodie Turner-Smith, and Nicola Coughlan turned heads with their style on the Baftas 2023 red carpet. Pictures: Ian West/PA

There are little placards on the ground with different media outlets — like, TG4, Film Four, RTÉ, lots of international outlets — and then there's a little tiny bit of real estate with Press Cluster written on it. 

Us print media dinosaurs are all shoved in there and space really is at a premium. 

There's a very aggressive Italian duo next to me who shoulder me out of the way every time someone comes over, so I pretend I'm at Lidl that morning during Covid when the egg chairs landed and I try to elbow them discreetly out of the way. 

That doesn't work so I channel a 'it's last call in the pub and need to get to the bar' vibe and stick my chest out and they really can't do anything about that. I'm front and centre and I have all my questions ready.

I just presume the Irish attendees will stop to chat. And there's a lot of them. We are representing in London, whoop whoop!

Daryl McCormack, Paul Mescal, Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Barry Keoghan, Kerry Condon, and fashion fabulousness Nicole Coughlan are around. The stars do a circuit so if they pass you, you don't get another chance with them.

Esther N McCarthy was bowled over by the team behind 'An Irish Goodbye' at the 76th Baftas at the Royal Festival Hall in London tonight. Picture: Ian West/PA

But, do you know what, the team behind An Irish Goodbye team stop to chat to me and they are only gorgeous and serious and sound — and they only went and won the Best Short. I'm so thrilled for them and thanks for stopping guys. James Martin and Seamus O'Hara are divine and James' message of 'don't judge a book by its cover' is just lovely.

It's better when we get to the Winners' Conference — I have to file this now, but I've got to ask Kerry Condon a question, after she won the Best Supporting Actress.
Here's the script. 

Me: "Up Munster! Up Tipp!! Delighted for ya Kerry girl!!

Kerry: Nods and looks nervously to the side.

Me: "I live in a house with all boys, the dog and cat are male as well and I use your speech when they're annoying me. 'YE'RE ALL FECKING BOOOORING!' What was your favourite speech in the movie?"

Kerry: "It wasn't one of mine, it was when Brendan asks the priest, Do you think God cares about little donkeys dying? And the priest says he doesn't and Brendan says 'I fear that's where it's all gone wrong.'"

Me: Under my breath: "I love you... Will you be my best friend?"

Kerry: Exits stage right.

How to sum up my Bafta experience so far? 

Thrilling in spurts, but with no access to food or the toilet for hours, I think I might have a scarred bladder — along with a scarred ego. 

But I'm so glad I got to experience up close and personal when the Irish look set to sweep the boards.

This article was first published on February 19, 2023.