"It might seem like they're cocky. They're not. They're actually a great family." When Davy Fitzgerald is defending your swagger, maybe it's time to rein it in. And that's coming from a woman with inbred Cork confidence, with a side of an unexamined, unearned sense of innate fabulousness.
To be fair to the Bissetts, Nadine did set a record at the Back Against the Wall challenge in week one, squatting for an incredible 27 minutes, 41 seconds. They do have bragging rights. But the somewhat brash trash talk juxtapositioned with the O'Brien's gentle, calm, confidence in the eliminator didn't do them any favours. I just couldn't bring myself to root for them, and it's not just because they're Dubs and the O'Brien's are from the Rebel county.*
They seemed flabbergasted they didn't go straight through and had to fight for their spot in the quarter-finals. They were competing against Anna's O'Briens, Donncha's McIntyres from Tipperary and Derval's Greenans from Cavan, who made a big splash in the lake with all four coaches still in the game. Theand rounds were painful to watch. The pontoons had added jeopardy with wobbling beams and moving platforms. They were all slipping but poor Eoin McIntyre was in and out of the water more times than Mitch Buchannon in jellyfish season. The stand out competitor here was Sinead Greenan, she took a bad fall, losing one of her contact lenses, as she's visually impaired this meant she couldn't see much at all, but she kept her cool in the freezing water, crushed the course and Derval did the run part with her to make sure she didn't trip on unseen hazards. Hanging Tough was next. Jesus Christ, Superstar, was only trotting after Kevin O'Brien, with the headband like a crown of thorns on him and his head tilted to one side, serenely forgiving us our sins of eating Minstrels while watching them suffer.
The Bissetts couldn't wait for this one, bragging they were going to make more records, but alas it was not to be. They all closed their eyes as they ascended, pity they couldn't close their ears too, as Davey screeched in the most stress-inducing way imaginable: "IT'S IMPORTANT YE STAY RELAAAAXED!"
*I'm lying, it totally is.
Mairead reveals she does all the jobs around the place, including topping up Donncha's fake tan. Sign me up, Ronan, sign me up.
- Ireland’s Fittest Family, Sundays at 18:30, RTÉ One and RTÉ Player