Kodaline's Steve Garrigan: Dark days under the bright lights

In an extract from his book, the frontman details an anxiety attack which led to the cancellation of a gig in Barcelona - and finally, an acknowledgement of his illness

Steve Garrigan: details the anxiety attack that finally led him to seek help. Pics: Ruth Medjber, @ruthlessimagery

We had two 3Arena shows in Dublin in December 2015. These were like two big homecoming gigs for us after almost an entire year on the road and it was an occasion to celebrate with all our friends and family. It was coming up to Christmas and on the second night we got everybody on stage to sing Fairytale of New York. They were really awesome shows and probably, for me, still some of the best gigs that we’ve ever done, in the way they just flowed, from start to finish, and with everyone singing and dancing.

Those shows should have been the highlight of my year — I was at home, surrounded by friends and family and performing for thousands of fans in our hometown. And on the surface I probably appeared to be fine. But I was barely keeping it together. That second night I was laughing and smiling. But what nobody could have known is that only hours earlier I was in a doctor’s office desperately looking for help.