To the one I love: the humble art of the mixtape

Soundtracking the weekend, breaking the ice, or sending a message? Take some advice from DJs, radio presenters and music journalists on hitting the right notes with your carefully-curated music selections.

Your carefully-crafted selections might not even fit on one of these anymore, but nothing says 'labour of love' like a well-thought-out playlist. Pic: Laura Balbarde

Whether it’s hovering over the record button of a tape deck, burning off a CD from Windows Media Player, or quickly adding new discoveries to a streaming playlist, making a mix of carefully-selected tunes for someone special remains an artform all on its own.

Striking the balance between tone, taste and intended message has long been a pursuit at the very heart of music fandom, spanning generations and surviving the ravages of technological upheaval, speaking to the lasting power of music as a universal language, and its unending capacity for meaning and catharsis.

This Sunday is Valentine’s Day - so, naturally, thoughts are turning to the soundtrack of the weekend’s proceedings, be it a cosy, two-person bubble, a long-distance exchange of love-notes, or even showing your appreciation for a longtime friend or family member.

But if you’re unfamiliar with the process of putting together a mix for someone you love, it’s hard to know where to begin - yes, streaming services and recommendation-list tools like BuyMusicClub all provide ample scope, but without a little bit of structure, picking tunes can also be a little bit overwhelming.

So where do you start?

The heart does not discriminate

Running the gamut from his weeknight radio show An Taobh Tuathail, to getting the balance right at afterparties as an alternative wedding DJ, Cian O’Ciobháin of RTÉ Radio na Gaeltachta is well-used to corralling a broad range of sounds into one place.

“Choose absolutely beautiful songs that send shivers down your spine, and/or make you cry. Don't overthink it. Straight from the heart, whether it's Joy Division's 'Atmosphere' or Christina Aguilera 'Beautiful'. The heart doesn't discriminate.” 

Julie Landers, staff music writer at UCC’s University Express, recommends getting a moment of clarity on your relationship to the person receiving a mix, and your common relationship with music.

“When I make playlists for friends, I look back to times we’ve spent together, and what they’ve sounded like. What is it about the song you’re putting on to the playlist, that reminds you that you love the bones of the person you’re sharing it with? Did you dance to that song? Did it play in the background while you missed that person?” 

Think of the other person

Of course, the temptation is always the to lay directly into your own personal faves and cobble together a rough list centred around a theme - but does showing off your own personal breadth and depth of taste detract from the vibe if the other person can’t get into it?

“My advice would be to focus first on the music that binds you, and from there you can think about what makes this music so special,” says music journalist and podcast host Andrea Cleary. 

“Pepper in some new things between the familiar, in a way that isn't too jarring. Did you bond over a band when you first met? Or have you seen an artist five times together? Jump off from there, and they'll know that this playlist is just for the two of you.” 

Hitting that fine balance of personal preference, sharing the dearly-held discoveries of a lifetime of listening, and showing empathy for the other person's frame of sonic reference is tricky, but important to get right.

“If you love obscure stuff, like drone or noise, but the person you're making a tape for might not have dived as deep into the multiverse of obscure music as you have, then you should be sensitive to this,” says O’Ciobháin.

Don't try to be cool

“If you start over-thinking the "coolness" of your choices, then it's time to hit the reset button. This can easily be done by sticking on 'Head And Heart' by John Martyn and taking it from there.” 

“A mix of well-known but less obvious songs and new discoveries works well,” agrees music journalist Niall Byrne.  “Don't be afraid to put a big household name in there, as you're never too cool for a Fleetwood Mac song.” 

“This is not the time to show the person how cool and niche your music taste is,” adds Landers. “If you’re in a relationship, they probably know that already. It’s about the other person, not what you want them to think of you as.” 

Bearing this in mind, and reaching the other person where their ears are, is a great way of getting the conversation going on your own faves.

“I've discovered some of my favourite artists through playlists that have been made for me by friends and loved-ones,” Cleary says.

“There's a certain magic that comes from somebody sending you music and saying 'you're going to love this'. It shows that they know you, they listen to your tastes, and they get it. Music can be incredibly personal for people, so to feel 'seen' in that way is really special.” 

Sending the message

Showing your appreciation or trying to make a conversation piece is one thing.

Communicating a crush or other long-held feeling complicates matters further. It’s another dimension of wracked nerves to share music with someone you have feelings for, hoping that the message is neither too obvious nor lost in your careful selections.

Messing around with running orders where possible, seeing what songs go well together, is time-consuming, but can make all the difference, Cleary continues.

“If you're encoding a secret message into your playlist, be patient. The first song isn't the place to declare your love: save it for the end. Let them sit in the silence afterwards.

“At least then you'll know that they bothered to listen to the whole thing before you cheesily declare your love and devotion through an Air Supply song!” 

Making things a bit too personal might also have an impact on your own musical enjoyment in the long-run, also, warns Landers.

“Don’t put your absolute favourite songs on the playlist, unless you’re positive you and this person could be in it for the long run. Otherwise, you may find a significant chunk of your collection or song library ruined following the break-up.” 

Adding the final flourish

Of course, as important as the tunes themselves are how they come across.

What can you do in terms of a physical memento, if circumstance permits? Does the intended recipient even have a CD player or a tape deck, even if you’re still rocking either at home? Could you put your digital skills to good use with a visual or audio message to accompany a streaming or download link?

Is it possible to hand something over with the much-mythologised ‘personal touch’ in this day and age?

“Digital artwork is never going to feel as personal as a cassette, or a lovingly crafted CD cover, but a heartfelt email or a voice memo might do the trick right now, in letting someone know you are thinking of them,” says Byrne.

“Better yet, a card and a small present dropped through the door with a link included to the playlist would be nice.” 

Not everyone shares this sense of practicality, and Cleary strongly encourages rooting out your disc-burner, if possible.

“Honestly, nothing beats a physical object. There's a tangibility to music appreciation that is lost through streaming and digital formats.

“One of my favourite things about making mix CDs for friends - the ones who have cars and therefore still have CD players - is creating artwork to go along with it. Drawing silly pictures or making collages out of magazines or photographs.

“It's tactile, an object you can hold and give.” 

This, of course, is all well and good for those of us of a certain vintage and/or inclination. 

It’s easy for ‘elder millennials’ and above to forget that younger people exist, for whom the humble physical mix is becoming part of an ever-expanding canon of musical tropes.

“I am a little too young to have ever made or received a physical mixtape,” says Landers.

“But I’ve just finished the sublime Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor, who dedicates several pages to the titular character putting together a tape for his love interest.

“The love-labour-intensive nature of it was endearing to read. But to be a Scrooge about it, tapes get lost. CDs scratch. The materiality of the gift is not what’s important, but the love that went into choosing the songs themselves, I think.”