Ask Audrey: Kerrymen would give you the eye even if you had a moustache

Sorting out Cork people for ages

It’s getting urgent on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Road Babes Who Know How Much Weight You Put on Since March the 12th. Cliona_BMW720 said she’s half-woman, half Pringles because she thought there was no way we were going to the sun this summer. FiFi_ScoilMhuire said she’s let herself go because they booked a staycation to Kerry, and the men down there would give you the eye even if you had a moustache. But a couple of us would have connections into Simon Coveney and apparently Marbella is in play from mid July. The last thing we want to do is walk off the plane down there like a couple of wans from Killarney. So, what’s the best three week crash diet online, the more expensive the better? Jenni, Douglas Road

My friend just launched a new weight-loss programme for Posh Cork on YouTube, it’s called Most People Can’t Afford This. I said, what’s extra exclusive about your exercise programme. She said, I teach women how to moan and groan in Blackrock Road accent, your husband might like it. I said, he can’t get me to moan and groan in a Ballinlough accent, let’s work on that first. #ZeroTechnique