The special bond between grandparent and grandchild created through childminding

By helping out with childminding duties, grandparents not only offer much-needed support to their adult children, they also benefit from the increased social interaction with the next generation, says Arlene Harris.

The ever-rising cost of childcare means more and more grandparents are looking after their grandchildren.

And while some may resent going back to childminding, many others will argue that it’s a win-win situation for everyone — the children spend quality time with their elders, parents know their children are in good hands, and grandparents develop a deeper bond with the next generation, in some cases even earning a few quid.

New research has found that people who look after their grandchildren are less likely to suffer from loneliness as the children are not only good company but also help to widen their social circle.

Researchers at the University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf, Germany, interviewed almost 4,000 grandparents. Commenting on their findings, lead author Professor Eleanor Quirke said:

“Caring for grandchildren may expand the social circle of grandparents and allow for further opportunities to establish relationships with other parents or grandparents.”

BUILDING BRIDGES

Psychotherapist Stella O’Malley agrees, adding that children are naturally inquisitive and open which can encourage adults to follow suit.

“Children are by nature active and friendly and their enthusiasm for meeting other people tends to drag even the most introverted adults out of their shells,” she says.

“There are many structures in place from baby groups to playgrounds where grandparents will inevitably meet other people.

Children create a sense of community around them and this can be very beneficial for grandparents who sometimes don’t have so many opportunities for socialising.

Dublin woman Mary Prendergast looks after her three grandchildren every week and says she has seen a marked improvement in her social life.

“My daughter asked me to mind the kids for four afternoons a week as she couldn’t find anyone, she trusted enough to leave them with,” she says. “Initially I was reluctant as I didn’t want to change my routine — but eventually I gave in.

“I found it hard at first as they can be a handful, but I soon got into it. I have definitely got out and about more, and often chat with parents and other grandparents at the school — I’ve even been for coffee with them a couple of times. Despite my reluctance, I am enjoying my new role.”

Psychologist Peadar Maxwell says several studies have indicated that grandparents who spend time with young children are more likely to feel connected with changes in society such as technological and cultural changes and less likely to feel lonely and isolated.

“Being asked to mind your grandchildren is a big favour and can at times feel like a burden, but it is also a message that you are trusted and needed,” he says. “It’s an opportunity to connect with your youngest loved ones, to help out and to stay active.

Grandparents who babysit are likely to be more active and are in greater contact with schools, activities and hobbies, and people. At times something as simple as this responsibility adds purpose to one’s day.

"But on a much deeper level, the feeling of helping the next generation and being close to one’s own grandchildren is rewarding in itself. That connection offers the chance to pass on your family history, culture and stories.”

SPECIAL BOND

Donal Forsyth, who is married to Monica and has two daughters, also looks after his grandchild. The time he spends with her is precious.

“I look after Maya at least once or twice a week after school and also mind her if her parents are going out,” says the retired company executive.

“Weather permitting she loves to go to the park and feed the ducks with a big bag of birdseed, usually ensuring that the little ones get fed and don’t get bullied by the gulls.

“She also likes going to the playground and has become more independent and adventurous as she gets older.

“Initially, I was like a mother hen nervously ready to jump in and help but lately, she shoos me away and glares at me if I ‘intrude’ in any way.

“She loves walking my brother’s dog, Alfie, on Killiney Hill or Dun Laoghaire pier and is now big enough to hold the lead.

“It’s almost a cliché mentioning a special bond between grandparents and grandchildren but undoubtedly one exists. She keeps me on my toes and having her around encourages me to stay fit which will hopefully allow me to spend a lot more years with her. I would like to think she will have fond memories of us.”

MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL

Maxwell says the arrangement can be mutually beneficial for both generations.

“The benefits for grandchildren cannot be underestimated as it gives a child to the chance to get to know their grandparents and learn about things from their past as well as skills and knowledge which are unique to them,” he says.

“It’s also an opportunity for children to increase their support network and feel close to and loved by their grandparents.

Receiving instruction and wisdom from grandparents leads to a better understanding of and respect for older people as too often society is divided up by age range and we live in an echo chamber of only hearing the views of our immediate peers.

"Without the close involvement of their parents and grandparents, children would have very little access to the views and principles of the previous generation and all the wisdom that contains.”

GROUND RULES

While O’Malley is aware of the many benefits of connecting with grandchildren, she says it’s important to adhere to some ground rules.

“Having a sense of meaning and purpose in life tends to put everything else in perspective so it can be beneficial for grandparents to mind their grandchildren, however, it is essential that everyone involved is respectful of boundaries,” she says.

“It’s more appropriate if the childminding hours suit the grandparents so no one feels imposed upon. And I would recommend that grandparents have a good look at their current day-to-day life and figure out honestly how much time to give to minding their grandchildren.

“One piece of advice I would give prospective grandparents is to always remember you are not their parents, as much as you covet them. You can, of course, have the little secret or the sneaky extra treat but when it comes to the big stuff, parents rule supreme.”