Sorting out Cork people for ages ...
I have a podcast about this, it’s called I Suppose You’re Imagining Me Having Sex With Your Daughter. Don’t worry though — there’s no shortage of things you can say to a woman who lives in Passage. I usually start by asking why she never moved. (Even just to Carrigaline.)
I called up my sex-expert friend, Straight Talking Sonya and said, what would you recommend to a guy who is disappointed with his girlfriend’s ukuleles. She said, maybe suggest a boob job. (This place is going like Mrs. Brown’s Boys.)
My friend has a book on parenting called Look, At Least They’ll Wipe Your Arse When You Get Old. I said, what do people do with their kids at this time of year. She said, pretend they don’t exist. (You’d be demented after two weeks of Christmas holidays.)
I rang the HQ of the Irish Swingers Association there and said, can you tell if someone is a swinger just by looking at their house? She said that won’t work here in Kinsale, all the houses are obscured. I said, by what? She said, pampas grass. #IsAnyoneSurprised?
My friend runs a dating-cheating agency for married men, it’s called Just Tell Your Wife You’re Going Cycling With The Lads. I said, what do you call someone who doesn’t want to stop cheating on their partner? She said, Audrey. #Bitch