Ask Audrey: 'When a northside dog goes ruff, he’s actually describing his owner'

Audrey's been sorting out Cork people for ages.

So like I’m the top social media influencer in south Munster, measured by the number of my followers who look away when they see me dressed as a giant mushroom at the opening of a garden centre because it’s just embarrassing for everyone, do you know that kind of a way? Anyway, I was judging a Beautiful Gherkin competition in Cobh last month when it came to me. #RescuePuppy #HeartOfGold #1000NewFollowers. I had to wait a while before they got a photogenic one, but I am now the owner of #Leonard, the cutest dog in my life since I went out with a Kerry footballer. #GetUpOnAnything. The only problem is #Leonard has a Norry bark, #WawfWawf #Allerge #MakesMeSeemCommon. Do you know someone who could train him to bark like a southside dog?— @YouSoWishLike, Turners Cross and Monte Carlo.

My neighbour recently started a new company called PoshPetz – only last week she cured a budgie that sounded like someone you’d sit next to on the 203. #BusOfTheNorries (No offence.)