Aren’t you fierce restrained. I rang my Posh Cousin but her husband answered. I said, how do you get a Douglas babe to stop pestering you for sex? He said, marry her. (Things aren’t great there at the moment.)
I wouldn’t use the term ‘two birds’ around Boris, you’ll only be giving him ideas. I asked my cousin if she’d like to pose with Boris, no groping. She said, ok, but no guarantees, you know the way I am with champagne in me. (She’s from Glanmire.)
Listen to more advice from Audrey...
Let’s face it, most Irish couples run on alcohol. (Please drink responsibly.) My Conor and I were having a chat on Friday night, steaming. He said, tell me in five words or less how our relationship will come to an end. I said, ‘we’re out of tonic.’
Tricky. I was very good friends with an Italian in college. He texted me one night and said, I have feelings for you. I said, stay put, I’ll be over in 15 minutes to collect them. #ShouldersOnHim
My nephew is a hopeless tech nerd, we call him Swipe Left Liam. (Never once got a piece of action on Tinder, they’re actually sending him out a plaque.) I said, what do you think the Russian is up to? He said, all sorts with that Tricia. #WhenDoniesAway