Ask Audrey: The old doll do get fierce frisky when I Skype her pretending to be Alf from Home and Away

Audrey's been sorting out Cork people for ages.

Any crack? I’m a primary school teacher from back beyond Dingle, quiet enough fella really, but fierce good looking, even for West Kerry, do you know that sort of a way. Anyway, didn’t I get a transfer up to Cork recently, it was hard enough getting my bearings at first, meeting people who weren’t called Something O’Se. But I’m well settled except for one thing — the horny Moms dropping the kids to school are all over me like a cheap suit, I have to spend 15 minutes every morning taking selfies and listening to stories about their new Land Rover. (I’m in Douglas.) They’re even after adding me to a new WhatsApp group, Hot For Teacher Babes with Limited Edition Miu Miu Handbags. How can I get them to stop? — Se O’Se, I’m actually shagging one of them

Aren’t you fierce restrained. I rang my Posh Cousin but her husband answered. I said, how do you get a Douglas babe to stop pestering you for sex? He said, marry her. (Things aren’t great there at the moment.)