Pat Fitzpatrick on parenting: 'Imagine if I could check CCTV my phone and discover what really went on'

I GREW up on You are the Ref. The cartoon strip in Shoot (and later The Guardian) showed a tricky scenario on a soccer pitch, and asked you what decision the referee should make. The correct answer was provided at the end of the cartoon, by an actual referee.

I’m thinking of starting something similar called You Are The Parent, to help people referee situations with their kids. Here’s one that happened in our place last night. There were toys all over the floor of two different rooms — this is on the low side, it’s usually three. My wife and I were whizzing around the kitchen cleaning after dinner etc, so I gave a room each to the son and daughter and told them to pick up their toys. They ran out the back to the trampoline when I said this, because I lost control of my kids a while ago and I’m struggling to get it back.