What I’ve learned from my children
ALISON CURTIS
Alison is mother to Joan, aged seven, who mirrors her own determined spirit and whose kind nature makes Alison proud every single day.
“We just had mid term together, where for the whole week it was just the two of us, because my husband was working. It was one of the best weeks; it absolutely flew by, and I fell more in love with her than I ever thought possible. We became really close, and we agreed on everything together and we made decisions together. I suppose without the usual commitments of swimming and school runs, there was space to just get along with each other, and it was so lovely.
My big thing at the moment is encouraging Joan to make more decisions for herself and also decisions for us as a family. For example, Santa brought her a cookbook and she has cooked out of that a good few times. She’ll decide a menu and we eat what she’s decided, and it’s great. I think she’s at that age where she’s so sick of being told what to do all the time that she needs to make some decisions by herself.
I see so much of myself in Joan. She is incredibly determined and very strong-willed. She never stops talking, just like me. The one thing that I am most proud and the one thing that everyone says about Joan is that she is so kind. She doesn’t say mean things — it’s not in her. She had a friend recently tell her that something was none of her business and I know for a fact that she has never said that or anything like that to anybody. I’m so proud of that.
I want to work on something that I think a lot of parents feel and that’s to help her get a bit of a thicker skin and solve things and issues. We are working on that too.
I have never considered myself to be a particularly patient person, and I am still not patient in some realms of life, but I am with Joan, and that has been a wonderful surprise of motherhood. She has definitely taught me patience, out of necessity most likely, but also, it’s a skill that everybody should have.
I feel very lucky to have Joan in my life; we have a great time together, and she makes me proud every day.”
ALISON CANAVAN
Model turned mindfulness expert Alison Canavan is mum to James, aged 8. She says that becoming a mother has been the greatest gift of her life.
“James and I went through a lot last year. I was very sick and he got an award for bravery because I collapsed and he rang for help. We were in London and it was scary for him — he saw me being very sick. The first time we have been separated since was in the last few weeks when I flew to LA to do some training.
We are extremely close and when I put him to bed the other night, I read him a story and he asked me to lie beside him for a bit and I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to do with me the next day, because it was the weekend and I wanted to make it special for him.
He said ‘you know mum, it doesn’t really matter, as long as you’re smiling.’ It brought me back to the fact that kids just want your presence and want to see you happy. We so often forget that all they want to do is be with you, enjoying this time.
Going into 2019, my mantra is Bring Joy Back, because I feel like it’s something that so many of us are missing. Our children teach us how to find the joy in our lives, and I don’t think we remember that often enough. We spend our lives scheduling ‘me time’ and trying to be better, but maybe we just need to be in the present moment with our children and experience life as it’s happening. That’s what we can learn from our kids — that’s what I learn from James.
James is one of the most incredibly kind people I know, and it makes me so proud. He is a beautiful spirit and a beautiful soul, with the kindest heart. You can see it from a mile away in him. He is deeply sensitive and I am learning through James a lot about boys and men. I’m one of five girls and I’m learning a lot about how society has hardened us towards men and that it shouldn’t be that way. If anything, boys are more sensitive than girls.
Our kids come into the world grounded, connected and centred. We pull them away from that. Our job as a parent is to allow them to evolve and grow into the beings that they are meant to be. Our job is to guide them, but it’s not to mould them into what we want them to be.
Last night in the kitchen, I was having a bit of a moment, and he came up and gave me the most beautiful hug. I just thought, ‘oh my God, this is what life is about’.”
HELEN STEELE
In her children Chloe, aged 22; Halle, aged 17; and Ronnie, aged 13, designer Helen Steele found her greatest inspiration.
“I have always found my kids to be really inspiring. I found myself always making up stories and being inspired by their inquisitive minds and their openness. We would always paint together and experiment with art — they were always more willing than any adult to mess around with the paint.
My eldest, Chloe, is an actress and has her own YouTube channel, which I think is amazing. It’s the toughest industry — I think — to go into, besides maybe cleaning the drains, so I admire her for her tenacity and her drive. I told my second daughter Halle last summer, that she would have to get a job because I wasn’t going to finance her sitting around, so she took herself off and was signed by a modelling agency. She’s earning more money than sometimes I do in a week. Ronnie is an incredible athlete. He’s one of those people who can put his hand to anything and do extremely well at it. His dream is to be an MBA all-star. He may live on a duck farm and attend a rugby school, but he’s the kind of person who will do it.
I am very proud of each of my kids individually. They all have incredible drive. They know what they want to do, to a certain extent; they know themselves really well, and that’s amazing I think. They are all bright in completely different ways and I am so proud of the fact that they are not easily led, they are themselves, entirely.
I don’t take acknowledgement for how my children have turned out; I think that’s all very much down to them. They are incredible beings, I’ve just helped to guide them, at times not very well I think! My kids have made a really great job of things themselves. It’s not for everyone, but I think for me the free-spirited approach to growing up and letting them find what their individually interested in and happy doing was always what I thought was the best way to guide them and they have to be respected for that. They all found their way. Being a parent is not the easiest job in the world, but it’s definitely the most rewarding.”
NORMA SHEAHAN
Actress Norma Sheahan spends any spare time she has running after her three daughters, 12-year-old twins Isabelle and Jessica and nine-year-old Jodi. She says that children today are worldly beyond their years.
“The industry I work in has me clued into a more diverse way of life, but my kids are more open than me to everything. During the Marriage Equality Vote my kids were the ones who were explaining to family and friends why we needed to vote yes and were actually more clear than I could have been.
For the first three years of
the twin’s lives, it was madness, but then it became so much easier. They are such a unit; it is one of the most wonderful things to see. Isabelle and Jessica are like Jedward, but slightly calmer and more individually driven.
My three do 15 hours of gymnastics a week. My nine-year-old Jodi climbed a rope to the roof of a warehouse last night without her legs.
They are physically strong, and because of the training that they do, they are mentally strong. Their teacher has Olympic medals and has taught them that you just don’t give up. To keep up with them mentally and physically, I have to do yoga, eat healthy, and get my sleep.
They have taught me to be careful in how I think. As a mother, they have taught me to be mindful of what I think my purpose is, and to be a little more ‘selfish’ in terms of keeping my own thing on the go — whether it’s a job or an interest or something that I enjoy. My children have shown me that sometimes kids are more capable if you let them on their own a little. My girls surprise me at how independently amazing they are, and how important it is to support that.
Children now are so clever. My kids seem wiser to the world than me; they know all about the planet and they have very definite ideas about what’s right and wrong. The way I love my children is different to the way I love anyone. It’s that ‘I’d die for you’ kind of love. If we are having a bad day, we just get over it in minutes. Someone said to me once ‘you’re drawn to the child who needs you the most in that moment.’ My own mother forced us all to travel and to try everything. And before she passed away a few months ago she said, “it’s not hard to die when you know that you’ve lived”. So I want to be there for my kids, but not so much that I stop them from being all they can be. That’s what I want for my girls.”
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