Sorting out Cork people for ages.
There’s no shortage of pubs in the northside that would love to have you, for lunch. My niece is a politics fan and one of the leading debaters in UCC, there’s a queue to get away from her at family gatherings. I said, how would you like to spend a few hours on Saturday talking politics with a pack of shabby looking saddos? She said, that’s a terrible thing to say about my friends in the debating society.
One of my best friends from school is a priest now. (!) I said, Father, I know a woman who plans to blackmail a leading solicitor because he tied her up during a steamy sex session in his bedroom – where would you stand on that? He said just outside the window taking photos. (The poor guy is driven mad from the celibacy.)
Tell me about it. I’m using this exclusive new dating app for well bred types who don’t need a mortgage to buy in Blackrock - it’s called Love Loaded Leesiders. Anyway, didn’t I get a poke last night from My Conor’s cousin, Leonard. And then later on, he contacted me via the app! (Is it just me or is this all getting a bit Mrs Brown’s Boys?)
I’m not sure if there are great savings in Belfast. Mainly because you’ll forget to pay the toll on the M50 on the way up and on the way down, and then you’ll forget to pay the fine, probably because of gin. (Thanks for letting me share.) Look, if you bump into a local on the street up north, just remember to speak really slowly, as if you were talking to someone from Clonmel. Unless that local is Liam Neeson, in which case I’d leg it.
I rang the Cork County board there but my call was diverted to Croke Park. (Troika 2 – This Time They’re From Dublin.) So then I asked my hurling-mad friend, No-Fault Fergus, when is the next time we can expect to see a competitive match in Pairc Ui Chaoimh? He said, probably never, if the footballers are playing. #Harsh