Sex advice with Suzi Godson: I want to slow things down in bed

We are always in a hurry, even when we have sex. We are about to go away for a romantic weekend and we want to enjoy taking our time in bed. Any tips?

Sex advice with Suzi Godson: I want to slow things down in bed

We are always in a hurry, even when we have sex. We are about to go away for a romantic weekend and we want to enjoy taking our time in bed. Any tips?

Getting away will really help you both to slow things down. I always advise couples who want to reconnect to check into a good hotel, even if it is only five minutes down the road from their home.

There is something uniquely cathartic about the clean, quiet confines of a hotel room, where your only possessions are a toothbrush and a clean pair of pants.

The absence of distraction forces you to focus on each other and sex is obviously the perfect way to occupy yourselves in a space that contains nothing but a minibar, a bed and a bathroom where you can spruce yourselves up before dinner.

If you tell your partner that you want the weekend to focus on sex, I’m sure he will oblige, but the more preparation you do in advance, the better the experience will be.

Think about what it is that you specifically want to achieve and then gather the tools that you need to make it happen.

If slow sex is your No 1 goal, start by reading Nicole Daedone’s Slow Sex: The Art and Craft of the Female Orgasm (Grand Central/Hachette).

“Slow sex” is basically mindful sex, with an emphasis on female orgasm, which can’t be bad.

In a long-term sexual relationship, you know precisely which buttons to press, but slow sex is an opportunity to explore the areas you usually overlook.

You don’t need to set yourself any rules about not touching the genitals, but the general idea is to focus on all the other erogenous zones that tend to get ignored.

The eyelids, the earlobes, the nape of the neck, the nipples, the tummy, the base of the spine and the feet.

Taking the time to really explore each other’s bodies is hugely erotic, and making touch a more meaningful part of your sexual experience will help you both to relax.

Some men are apprehensive about extended foreplay because it can cause them to lose their erection, but as your arousal levels builds, his will too, and as soon as he receives direct stimulation it will return.

It is actually good for men to get used to this process because it stops them getting anxious about occasional erectile failures — something that happens to all men at some point, regardless of age.

Why not pack some props? Koibito Love boxes are beautiful sets of sex accessories that have been specifically designed for hotel rooms.

You can buy them on the Koibito Love website - it has a variety of boxes that range in price.

At the cheaper end of this brand, the €40 Take Me Now box contains an organic lubricant, massage oil, a bullet vibrator, three fair-trade condoms, a tickling feather, a silk blindfold and a sex tip and origami game.

The €92 Spank box has more of the same and adds a handmade leather paddle.

Products aside, the absolute best thing about slow sex in the sanctuary of a smart hotel is the opportunity for meaningful post-coital conversation and connection.

Chatting, giggling, teasing, or just lying together on 500 thread-count Egyptian cotton — those are the moments that make me smile for months. Have a great time.

Send your queries to suzigodson@mac.com

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