Comedian explains soccer to David Letterman

"This is why soccer will never take off in the United States," he says, giving up.

John Oliver, who had to resort to comedy after he realized he would never be a professional football player, is still completely obsessed with English football, and happy to spend an entire interview explaining the game's various leagues — Premier, peasant, Downton Abbey — to a confused David Letterman.

Oliver explains that the British have brought the class system into promotion and relegation, which he sees as wanting "to make failure really hurt".