Employers warned to watch out for outbreak of 'GTA flu'

"Hello… yes, I can't come in today I've got a *cough* terrible dose.

Health professionals are warning bosses around the country to be on the alert tomorrow for an expected outbreak of a debilitating disease known as 'GTA flu'.

The illness is characterised by the sudden onset of vague, flu-type symptoms including theatrical coughing, exagerrated sniffles and 'a fierce sore throat'.