Wimbledon star Paul Bettany turned to drugs and alcohol after the tragic death of his younger brother "tore" him apart.
The British star, 33, felt responsible for his eight-year-old sibling Matthew's fatal accident in 1987 when he fell 2.4 metres on to concrete while playing in a park with a friend - and sought solace in booze and cocaine.
Bettany, now married to Jennifer Connelly, says: "What happened really tore me apart. I thought I should have stuck close to him - been there for him - but I wasn't.
"I have so many memories of him and then I had fantasies about taking him to the cinema for the first time with his little girlfriend or helping him move into his first flat as a student.
"I was so shattered by what happened I reckon it took me something like 10 years to get over it. I felt this guilt thing about still being alive after he died. I think there will always be a part of me which is inconsolable, but, through therapy, I stopped doing all the bad stuff. It was slowly destroying me.
"It cannot be mended - what happened. This universal thing called death taught me how valuable life is.
"I had this need to punish myself. I mixed with some pretty terrible, dreadful people when I was busking with a guitar on places like Westminster Bridge in London. I hit rock bottom. I struggled for so many years to get through it."