You won't be bowled over by 'Blackball'

Blackball

Director: Mel Smith

Cast: Paul Kaye, James Cromwell, Vince Vaughn, Johnny Vegas, Bernard Cribbins, Alice Evans.

Cert: 15.

How some people get the funding to make films is baffling.

You are unlikely to find a film as dismal as this this side of 2050. For a start, it's set in the nail-chewing world of bowling. Wake up at the back!

OK, so thousands of white-clothed ladies and gentleman enjoy nothing better than an afternoon on the green. Bowling can, I'm sure, be a charmingly relaxing way of passing the time. It might even be cut-throat and devious, but it makes for an awful film. Well, it does here.

The plot instantly reminds us of that wonderfully inventive and fall-down funny film from Oz, Strictly Ballroom. Like bowling, ballroom dancing might not seem the obvious subject for a memorable romantic-comedy, but it worked. Blackball lacks all the strengths of Strictly Ballroom.

We have Kaye as a bowler who fights officialdom with bad language, a scruffy appearance and general disgraceful behaviour. Officialdom fights back with a 10-year ban.

He falls in love with the daughter of a rival and wins the day with a sensational comeback under his seedy agent.

It's a waste of money and time. It's badly-written and directed with no style. You simply shouldn't bother with it under any circumstances.

Star Rating: 1/5