Ask Audrey: Invitations to the royal wedding are as a rare as toothbrush in Kilmallock

She’s been sorting out Cork people for ages, so why not Ask Audrey?

How’re oo’ goin’ on. Herself is after getting elected treasurer of the pitch and putt club, which came as a surprise to many people, considering the balls she made of running the credit union. Anyway, she’s looking for prizes for the Christmas raffle. Never a woman to lack either ambition or delegation, she has asked me to find two tickets to the wedding of Prince Harry and what’s her name. Where would I even start?

— Dan Paddy Andy, keep going beyond Ballydehob until you see a man who clearly cuts his own hair