Ask Audrey: Carrigtwohill is just Midleton with an extra splash of Eau du Farmyard

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How’re oo goin on? Herself is a keen follower of current affairs and hasn’t she come to the conclusion that Kim Jong-un is planning military action against Dunmanway. (I should point out that she recently changed her medication.) Do you know of anything I can say that might calm her down?

– Ger Da Ger-Ger, keep going beyond Dunmanway until you see a man trying to make a nuclear shelter with twine and bags of 10:10:20.